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After he is forced to go to rehab, the son of a Mafia Don gets into a relationship with an alcoholic cop and must keep her from finding out he is in the mafia while also keeping his relationship secret from the family.
"When he falls for an alcoholic cop at rehab, the son of a Mafia Don must..." (Then tell us what he must do)
“When he falls for an alcoholic cop at rehab, the son of a Mafia Don must…” (Then tell us what he must do)
See lessNew to a civilian world, an ex soldier freshly divorced from an abusive marriage, is forced to live with his PTSD twin sister while trying to build a business to pay the bills.
"When his sister suffers a nervous breakdown, a newly discharged Master Sargent navigates his way through the cutthroat world of small business?in order to help his sister's convenience store survive while she seeks psychiatric?help."
“When his sister suffers a nervous breakdown, a newly discharged Master Sargent navigates his way through the cutthroat world of small business?in order to help his sister’s convenience store survive while she seeks psychiatric?help.”
See less“A lightning strike changes the half breed twins path as they search for the truth behind their father’s death. While a vengeful Uncle strives to strip their shaman grandfather of all that he holds dear.”
You seem to have three separate?elements in your logline. 1: The investigation into the lead character's father's death, this seems to be the main story because it actually involves your lead characters: the lead character's father dies mysteriously, which sets the course of actions for the twins. TRead more
You seem to have three separate?elements in your logline.
1: The investigation into the lead character’s father’s death, this seems to be the main story because it actually involves your lead characters: the lead character’s father dies mysteriously, which sets the course of actions for the twins. They decide to investigate.
2: An uncle that wants to strip the grandfather of all he holds dear. A: Since the reader has no idea what the grandfather holds dear; a cat? a favorite T-shirt? Old love letters?– this comes across as vague. B: Plus it doesn’t involve your lead characters so I would not include this B story scenario?in the logline.
3: A lightning strike. Since we have no idea what this is all about I would drop this element or show in the logline how a lightning strike is relevant to the main story.
As a result, I would drop the lighting and the grandfather’s storyline from?the logline. Because none of those things seems to have any relation to the main story of finding out what happened to the father.
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