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After a failed ritual to resurrect their mother severely damages their bodies, two young alchemists search for the mythical Philosopher’s Stone to restore themselves.
One of the things Nir's logline example solves is the problem of having two goals in your logline. First, your characters want to resurrect their mother. A strong goal. Then once they are hurt they completely?abandon their dead mother in order to help themselves. Kind of a selfish goal. By just sayiRead more
One of the things Nir’s logline example solves is the problem of having two goals in your logline. First, your characters want to resurrect their mother. A strong goal. Then once they are hurt they completely?abandon their dead mother in order to help themselves. Kind of a selfish goal.
By just saying, they are disfigured by a resurrection spell and leaving out the dead mother, it helps focus the logline on the actual problem.
Honestly, from a story standpoint, it would be better if after failing to resurrect their mother, the two brothers realize they need to find the philosophers stone to complete the ritual and save their mother.
See lessA young couple doesn’t attach much importance to their failing relationship until a gang commits a violent takeover of America and it parts them completely!
In a story, what the lead character wants should mean the entire world to them. That should be the stakes.Going to prom?must be the 'most important thing in the whole world' to the young teen girl.Getting the lead cheerleader must be, 'the most important thing in the whole world' to the young teen bRead more
In a story, what the lead character wants should mean the entire world to them. That should be the stakes.
Going to prom?must be the ‘most important thing in the whole world’ to the young teen girl.
Getting the lead cheerleader must be, ‘the most important thing in the whole world’ to the young teen boy.
In the movie ‘Better off Dead’ the lead character’s goal of getting back with his girlfriend Beth is so important to him, he contemplates?killing himself.
Which brings us to your logline; which begins: “A young couple doesn’t attach much importance to their failing relationship…”
If the couple doesn’t attach much importance?to their relationship then neither will the audience.
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In your story, a gang takes over America… This is a strong inciting incident.
This should cause your?lead character to ‘want something more than anything in the whole world”
Once you add what the lead character wants, more than anything thing in the entire world, to your logline, it will be much improved.
See lessAfter the corrupt Mayor and tyrannical business owner of a small village accidentially shoots a young Vampire during a hunting trip, the normally peaceful and hidden vampire family leaves the forrest to seek revenge for their dead kid.
It is better to write the logline from the point of view of the lead character. Here would be an example: ------------------------------ "When their son is killed by a corrupt mayor, a peaceful vampire and his wife leave their secluded home to seek revenge on the murderous official an all who supporRead more
It is better to write the logline from the point of view of the lead character.
Here would be an example:
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“When their son is killed by a corrupt mayor, a peaceful vampire and his wife leave their secluded home to seek revenge on the murderous official an all who support him.”?
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Also, I don’t believe shooting a vampire would kill it. You need a stake,?decapitation or sunlight.
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