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When his hive is attacked by landscapers, a nerdy ant must work with an arrogant wasp, a sly cockroach and a vicious spider to create a 6ft tall mech to take on the human mecace and prove himself to the Ant Queen.
You have way too many side characters in the logline, (Which is why it is so long) make the goal personal to the lead character, tell us why 'he' must do this and then tell us what is standing in the way, I would drop the side characters from the logline or concentrate on the one side character in tRead more
You have way too many side characters in the logline, (Which is why it is so long) make the goal personal to the lead character, tell us why ‘he’ must do this and then tell us what is standing in the way, I would drop the side characters from the logline or concentrate on the one side character in the logline who will be the main source of frustration to your lead character.?
Also, you tell us he ‘must‘ work with these side?characters… If you give us a must, you should give us an or else.
See lessWhen his hive is attacked by landscapers, a nerdy ant must work with an arrogant wasp, a sly cockroach and a vicious spider to create a 6ft tall mech to take on the human mecace and prove himself to the Ant Queen.
If the goal at the end of the logline is to prove himself to the queen, You should begin your logline with what he did to lose favor with the queen However since stopping the human menace seems more immediate I would probably drop the queen angle in the logline all together and concentrate on that.Read more
If the goal at the end of the logline is to prove himself to the queen, You should begin your logline with what he did to lose favor with the queen
However since stopping the human menace seems more immediate I would probably drop the queen angle in the logline all together and concentrate on that.
Having two goals, (Stopping the human menace and proving himself to the queen) is usually a bad distraction for a logline (Keep it in the story just not in the logline)
See lessAn Orthodox Ivy Leaguer with dreams of marrying his high school sweetheart descends into depression following his best friend’s murder and tries to preserve his relationship, and sanity, while fighting personal demons and hostile classmates.
BTW what do you mean by Orthodox Ivy leaguer? As opposed to an unorthodox ivy leaguer? Orthodox jew who goes to an Ivy league school? Orthodox Christian, who goes to an Ivy league school? Just curious
BTW what do you mean by Orthodox Ivy leaguer? As opposed to an unorthodox ivy leaguer? Orthodox jew who goes to an Ivy league school? Orthodox Christian, who goes to an Ivy league school? Just curious
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