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A lawsuit for his wife?s injury offers a homeless group leader a ticket out? until a member of his flock threatens to testify. Now he must resort to extreme measure to stop him.
I know say this a lot on this site,- but- you need a lead character and the lead character must want something. This is an interesting situation but to improve the logline you should focus on a lead character.Here would be an example of what I mean:----- "After he's fired and loses his apartment, aRead more
I know say this a lot on this site,- but- you need a lead character and the lead character must want something. This is an interesting situation but to improve the logline you should focus on a lead character.
Here would be an example of what I mean:
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“After he’s fired and loses his apartment, a department store Santa is determined to give his son a perfect Christmas, even though they are forced to move into an abandoned train station with a group of homeless families.”
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Hope that helps, good luck with this!
See lessWhen a guy finds the courage for a routine procedure that goes wrong, he must fight inner demons or become another unwilling donor in a human chop shop.
Not sure what any of this means. You should add some more specifics. A guy? Be more specific, a grizzly fire fighter, a timid banker? an angry hippy? Finds the courage? not sure what that means in the context of the story Routine procedure? What procedure? A appendectomy? A penis enlargement? Must fRead more
Not sure what any of this means. You should add some more specifics.
A guy? Be more specific, a grizzly fire fighter, a timid banker? an angry hippy?
Finds the courage? not sure what that means in the context of the story
Routine procedure? What procedure? A appendectomy? A penis enlargement?
Must fight inner demons? huh? How does this have anything to do with the rest of the logline.
Be a little more specific if you want to connect with your reader.
See lessAfter a failed stint as a professional motorcycle racer, a middle aged man, on the verge of losing everything, takes to the streets and races his way up the street racing ladder.
"When he loses his job as a wall street investor, a former dirt bike prodigy takes up illegal street racing to save his home from being foreclosed and his children taken away, but must keep it a secret from his ex-wife's police officer boyfriend."-----1: I was more specific on what job he loses. (InRead more
“When he loses his job as a wall street investor, a former dirt bike prodigy takes up illegal street racing to save his home from being foreclosed and his children taken away, but must keep it a secret from his ex-wife’s police officer boyfriend.”
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1: I was more specific on what job he loses. (Instead of just saying white collar job)
2: I added that he was a prodigy, this implies that he may have turned away from his passion of racing, for a regular job.
3: I kept dpg’s idea of having children to ‘up the stakes’
4: I added something standing in the way, a police officer with a grudge.
Hope that help’s
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