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After witnessing a god rape her sister, a naive nymph seeks revenge, risking her life in the process.
"Seeks revenge" is a bit vague, you should be more specific on how she must accomplish her goal.----- "After her sister is raped, a naive nymph must climb mount Olympus battling demonic entities, on order to confront the God who attacked her sister; and destroy him." -----Now it's more specific, sheRead more
“Seeks revenge” is a bit vague, you should be more specific on how she must accomplish her goal.
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“After her sister is raped, a naive nymph must climb mount Olympus battling demonic entities, on order to confront the God who attacked her sister; and destroy him.”
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Now it’s more specific, she must climb a mountain and battle demons. We now have an idea what her trials will be. (your story will be different of course)
Hope this helped, good luck!
See lessTrivial thieves hatch a plot to heist big business’s grand scam: the cure for cancer.
Your logline would be improved with a lead character Also, if the heist was personal it would make the logline more compelling-- Such as the thief's wife or sister has cancer. This would also add an inciting incident... When his sister is diagnosed with Cancer. Also, big business is very vague, youRead more
Your logline would be improved with a lead character
Also, if the heist was personal it would make the logline more compelling– Such as the thief’s wife or sister has cancer.
This would also add an inciting incident… When his sister is diagnosed with Cancer.
Also, big business is very vague, you should have a specific bad guy.
Hope this helps, good luck with this
See lessWhen an experimental medical chamber explodes, the ensuing capital murder trial pits the accused mother of an autistic boy killed in the blast against the Korean immigrant owners. [28] OR During the capital murder trial following the deadly explosion of an experimental medical chamber, the Korean immigrant owners and other victims must decide whether to reveal the secrets that could exonerate the defendant, the mother of an autistic boy killed in the blast, but devastate their own families. [48] {For a novel – literary courtroom drama]
To add to what DPG says, what your logline is depicting is a situation. For it to be a story, after the inciting incident (The explosion) there would be a lead character who wants something and your logline is vague as to who that character is and what they want.
To add to what DPG says, what your logline is depicting is a situation. For it to be a story, after the inciting incident (The explosion) there would be a lead character who wants something and your logline is vague as to who that character is and what they want.
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