1. Posted: June 14, 2021In:

    Inorder to Save and Marry his Indian Girlfriend who is getting arranged Married, An American Highschool teacher is being tricked by his Indian Student and Colleagues plans & Kidnaps his Girlfriend from her Strict Cultural Family

    Richiev Singularity

    This logline is hard to read. What is the main conflict of the story? Is the story about him kidnapping his girlfriend, or is it about what happens after he kidnaps his girlfriend... btw, why does he have to kidnap her, why doesn't she go willingly? "When he kidnaps the woman he loves to save her frRead more

    This logline is hard to read.

    What is the main conflict of the story? Is the story about him kidnapping his girlfriend, or is it about what happens after he kidnaps his girlfriend… btw, why does he have to kidnap her, why doesn’t she go willingly?

    “When he kidnaps the woman he loves to save her from an arranged marriage, a lovelorn teacher must…” (Do this thing in order to: win her heart? Stay out of Jail? Convince her parents to let her marry him?)

    I actually don’t know what the lead character’s goal is from this logline to be honest.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: June 14, 2021In:

    When an adventurous lone hunter is lost to the river gorges, chasing a mysterious man or beast known as the Bunyip, his grieving family and friends must pick up the pieces and discover the truth about his disappearance.

    Richiev Singularity

    You switched perspective mid logline Not the end of the world, I got the gist of the story, however, when you write the logline you might try, "When his adventurer father goes missing..." or "when her husband goes missing on an adventure trip..." In other words, always write the logline from the perRead more

    You switched perspective mid logline

    Not the end of the world, I got the gist of the story, however, when you write the logline you might try, “When his adventurer father goes missing…” or “when her husband goes missing on an adventure trip…”

    In other words, always write the logline from the perspective of the lead character.

    Other than that I think the idea is solid.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: June 7, 2021In:

    Criminal investigator Darryl Blake groups with four detective trainees to gather evidence involving snuff video related crimes taken place at a university. While insisting ASPD student Matthew Efflick may be the culprit, almost little to no evidence can be found to prove it; all while he’s continuing his murderous pursuit.

    Richiev Singularity

    Using a detective organization as your lead doesn't draw the reader in. It's impersonal. Instead, you should have a lead character in your logline. Someone to who the reader can attach and want to follow.

    Using a detective organization as your lead doesn’t draw the reader in. It’s impersonal.

    Instead, you should have a lead character in your logline. Someone to who the reader can attach and want to follow.

    See less
    • 1