Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A down-on-his-luck , part time bus driver who dreams of being a NASCAR driver helps police capture a criminal by out running him while driving a special education bus. The ariel footage goes viral and he becomes an overnight sensation. The sudden fame along with having to choose between his dream and being a good person shows him that there is more to being a champion than winning.
As DPG mentions above, your logline spends a lot of time on the setup:?-----A down-on-his-luck , part time bus driver who dreams of being a NASCAR driver helps police capture a criminal by out running him while driving a special education bus. The ariel footage goes viral and he becomes an overnightRead more
As DPG mentions above, your logline spends a lot of time on the setup:?
—–
A down-on-his-luck , part time bus driver who dreams of being a NASCAR driver helps police capture a criminal by out running him while driving a special education bus. The ariel footage goes viral and he becomes an overnight sensation.
—–
Then it get’s vague:
—–
The sudden fame along with having to choose between his dream and being a good person shows him that there is more to being a champion than winning.
—–
-This makes me wonder if ‘the set up’ should be the movie.
The movie starts off by showing him being ‘down on his luck’.
Then we introduce the lead characters dream of being a NASCAR driver.
The lead sees the chase happening and he leaps into action…
Perhaps one of the kids he drives is kidnapped and put into the car.
He must act.
The chase is on.
There is a complication; someone is still on the bus, preferably someone he doesn’t get along with at first.
They bicker, they argue.
The police tell him to stop, but he won’t because he must save the kid.
The person on the bus, (Maybe his girlfriend who was about to dump him) keeps nagging at him.
No matter the obstacle, he keeps on going and finally saves the day.
He becomes a hero
The movie ends with him achieving his dream of being a NASCAR driver.
Roll credits
I only mention this because you seem to have a clearer version of the ‘set-up’ than the rest, so maybe the ‘set-up’ is the movie.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
?
See lessA young, cocky walking encyclopedia must travel back in time with his two newly met friends from differing social standards to stop evil forces plotting to take down their transatlantic flight.
Your logline lacks specifics, therefore it comes across as vague and doesn't grip the reader. Here are some suggestions A young (Drop young), cocky walking encyclopedia must travel back in time (To when, be specific) with his two, newly met friends from differing social standards (Drop the friends oRead more
Your logline lacks specifics, therefore it comes across as vague and doesn’t grip the reader. Here are some suggestions
A young (Drop young), cocky walking encyclopedia must travel back in time (To when, be specific) with his two, newly met friends from differing social standards (Drop the friends or explain why they are relevant) ?to stop evil forces (What evil forces, Terrorists? Ghosts? Jehovah Witness’s; be specific) plotting (Don’t say they must stop them from plotting, say the must stop them from destroying the plane) to take down their transatlantic flight.
Question: ?If they go back in time, won’t they fall a long way to the earth? After all, the characters will be in a different time but the plane won’t be. So there will be no plane around them and they will fall. However if the entire plane goes into the past, where would they land? Would there even be an airport?
Hope that helped, good luck with this.
After a sensitive cocoa farmer from Ecuador is getting engaged with a rich entrepreneur girl, he must decide between the marriage to rescue his bankrupt family plantation or his true love who lives far away in Germany.
You shouldn't tell us the decision he needs to make, because if the logline is written well, the inner conflict should be obvious. Here's an attempt. -----"When his plantation goes into foreclosure, a sensitive cocoa farmer becomes engaged to a rich American who will save his farm, but complicationsRead more
You shouldn’t tell us the decision he needs to make, because if the logline is written well, the inner conflict should be obvious. Here’s an attempt.
—–
“When his plantation goes into foreclosure, a sensitive cocoa farmer becomes engaged to a rich American who will save his farm, but complications arise when he receives a letter from a former fiance who was the love of his life.”
—–
One more note, the two people in love should get the most screen time together. They should have scenes where the audience sees their connections and chemistry is built. In your logline, the ‘true love’ is far way in Germany. You should have her come to town. The farmer and the ‘true love’ need to be on screen more than the farmer and the rich entrepreneur.
—–
“When his plantation goes into foreclosure, a sensitive cocoa farmer becomes engaged to a rich American who will save his farm, but complications arise when his former fiance and love of his life arrives in town wanting him back.”
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See less