1. Posted: February 2, 2016In:

    A screenwriter has just finished his winning screenplay for the pitching time. Suddenly, his computer breaks down and he loses every piece of his work.

    Richiev Singularity

    This is a set-up not a story. "When a screenwriter's computer breaks and he loses his million dollar script, he must..." ?(Then tell us what he must do) Hope that helps.

    This is a set-up not a story.

    “When a screenwriter’s computer breaks and he loses his million dollar script, he must…” ?(Then tell us what he must do)

    Hope that helps.

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  2. Posted: February 2, 2016In:

    When diabolical dark creatures assault an airplane, one spunky yet meticulous teenager misjudges his technical abilities and unknowingly makes the devastation worse, consequently he must travel back in time using an enchanted relic to undo the damage and defeat the dark creatures.

    Richiev Singularity

    This logline is getting better, now to cut the word count and get specific. -----1) Demonic and dark is redundant, use one or the other (or just use the word demon)2) Spunky yet Meticulous: A spunky person flies by the seat of their pants, they go-for-it, a meticulous person doesn't; I would keep spRead more

    This logline is getting better, now to cut the word count and get specific.
    —–

    1) Demonic and dark is redundant, use one or the other (or just use the word demon)

    2) Spunky yet Meticulous: A spunky person flies by the seat of their pants, they go-for-it, a meticulous person doesn’t; I would keep spunky and drop meticulous

    3) Misjudges his technical abilities: This isn’t needed, drop it

    4) —and unknowingly: Drop this, if he doesn’t know it, how does he know to go back in time and change it.

    5) Makes the devastation worse: Be specific, this is the crux of the logline. How does he make the devastation worse? ?Does he open a portal to hell? Does he accidentally set the auto-pilot to crash the plane into a mountain? Tell us how he makes the devastation worse. This is the inciting incident and very important to the logline.

    6) Consequently: Drop this

    7) Using an enchanted relic: Be specific.?What relic? You should watch Buffy the Vampire slayer, every relic had a name, every relic had a history— Orb of Thesulah, gem of amara— you should tell us what relic sends him back in time, give it a name.

    —–
    “When his flight is attacked by demons, a spunky Greek curator accidentally opens a doorway to hell and must use the gem of Chronos to travel back in time to undo the damage and stop the dark-ones from taking over the world.”
    —–

    Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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  3. Posted: January 31, 2016In:

    In a small town in Iowa, a young aspiring photographer wants to break out and tries to enter his work into a famous gallery, but his oppressive and legalistic grandfather tries to lure him into the farming business with it?s success and luxury.

    Richiev Singularity

    I don't think of 'success and luxury' when it comes to farming. Long days, hardship and toil are what I think about. As a result the logline is a bit off-putting.Grandfather: "What do you think paid for this here Rolls Royce? This old farm did. Why is it an old guy like me get's to date a new SupermRead more

    I don’t think of ‘success and luxury’ when it comes to farming. Long days, hardship and toil are what I think about. As a result the logline is a bit off-putting.

    Grandfather: “What do you think paid for this here Rolls Royce? This old farm did. Why is it an old guy like me get’s to date a new Supermodel each week, why it’s because I own this here farm. Do you really want to give up the wine, women and luxury that would go with one day owning this here beet farm, just so you can go to the big city and mingle with those backwards gallery folks?”

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