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After winning the trials, a fiery adolescent girl is prized with becoming the body of a coldhearted AI.
From your logline, I can't tell if this is the beginning of the story or the end of your story. Is the story what happens next and this is just the set-up? Or does she win the prize... The END
From your logline, I can’t tell if this is the beginning of the story or the end of your story.
Is the story what happens next and this is just the set-up?
See lessOr does she win the prize… The END
When a former soldier’s young daughter is kidnapped, he will do everything in his power to take down those responsible to rescue her.
This logline would be helped with some specifics.As DPG mentioned, from how it's written it could be a 'Taken' clone. Adding some specifics would help distinguish your script from other movies. ----- 1) "... must do everything in his power": This line doesn't tell us anything, you should give us somRead more
This logline would be helped with some specifics.
As DPG mentioned, from how it’s written it could be a ‘Taken’ clone. Adding some specifics would help distinguish your script from other movies.
—–
1) “… must do everything in his power”: This line doesn’t tell us anything, you should give us something specific he must do, ‘infiltrate the mob’ ‘sneak onto air force one’, ‘disguise himself as a woman to infiltrate a beauty pageant’.
2) “…take down those responsible”: While you only have a couple of words to play with, you should give the reader some information about who took his daughter. ‘When middle eastern terrorist kidnap his daughter’, ‘when a South American drug lord kidnaps his daughter’, ‘When an evil kids show host take his daughter hostage’.
Once you do this, your loline will give the reader a better idea of what your story is about and not sound like any other movie: Here is an example.
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“When an evil kids-show-host takes his daughter hostage, a former Green Baret must disguise him self as a purple dinosaur and infiltrate the TV station.”
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While your logline will be different, adding specifics will greatly improve the logline and show the reader it’s unique hook.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessA doctor stands in the operation room to save a patient from dying via a heart transplant. The doctor has a stroke and his assistants must try to save the patient?s live.
You need to give us a lead character.When the surgeon dies in the middle of a heart transplant. A lowly but brilliant intern must...
You need to give us a lead character.
When the surgeon dies in the middle of a heart transplant. A lowly but brilliant intern must…
See less