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After terrorists import germ warfare samples, a refugee scientist must face the nightmare of retrieving the antidote from Syria before it can be manufactured and released.
Original logline: After terrorists import germ warfare samples, a refugee scientist must face the nightmare of retrieving the antidote from Syria before it can be manufactured and released ----- "Must face the nightmare" is just extra words and doesn't add to the logline. Here's how the logline lookRead more
Original logline: After terrorists import germ warfare samples, a refugee scientist must face the nightmare of retrieving the antidote from Syria before it can be manufactured and released
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“Must face the nightmare” is just extra words and doesn’t add to the logline.
Here’s how the logline looks without it.
“After terrorists import germ warfare samples, a refugee scientist must retrieve the antidote from Syria before it can be manufactured and released”
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You should also personalize the stakes for the protagonist:
“After terrorists steal a weaponized Ebola virus from his lab, a disgraced scientist vows to retrieve the antidote from Syria before it can be manufactured and released”
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Hope that helps, good luck with this!
See lessThe last surving man on the planet goes on the run from tribes of horny women, desperate to be impreginated. Responsibility is the last thing this homosexual manchild wants.
Being homosexual with the responsibility of repopulating the earth is enough conflict. He's gay, but must have sex with women or the human race will go extinct. That is good conflict. You don't have to add that he's someone who runs away from responsibility, that takes away from the main conflict. HRead more
Being homosexual with the responsibility of repopulating the earth is enough conflict. He’s gay, but must have sex with women or the human race will go extinct. That is good conflict.
You don’t have to add that he’s someone who runs away from responsibility, that takes away from the main conflict. He runs away because he’s gay, not because he is irresponsible. That’s just my thoughts anyway.
See lessWhen a tafe teacher learns of a new government order he is suspicious, but when his girlfriend is kidnapped by aliens he must rescue and reverse the effects.
You begin the logline with one idea, say the word 'but' then go a different direction and also give us what should be the beginning of the logline. ----- Your logline: When a tafe teacher learns of a new government order he is suspicious, ---but--- when his girlfriend is kidnapped by aliens he mustRead more
You begin the logline with one idea, say the word ‘but’ then go a different direction and also give us what should be the beginning of the logline.
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Your logline: When a tafe teacher learns of a new government order he is suspicious, —but— when his girlfriend is kidnapped by aliens he must rescue and reverse the effects.
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Instead your logline should begin with: when his girlfriend is kidnapped by aliens…
Hope that helps, good luck with this.
See less