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When a bullied kid finds a terrifying but badly wounded alien, he rallies his family and friends to help get it back to it's spaceship.
How about E.T. with a kick: "When an injured alien threatens to destroy the earth, a terrified teen convinces the creature to give him twenty-four hours to return him to his space ship, if he'll spare the planet."
How about E.T. with a kick:
“When an injured alien threatens to destroy the earth, a terrified teen convinces the creature to give him twenty-four hours to return him to his space ship, if he’ll spare the planet.”
See lessWhen her ex-husband and the love of her life is killed by a vicious drug-manufacturing motorcycle gang, a letter-of-the-law undercover cop infiltrates the gang but must battle addiction and her moral code especially when her estranged 10 year old daughter is kidnapped by the gang.
Your logline: (Second attempt) "When her ex-husband and the love of her life is killed by a vicious drug-manufacturing motorcycle gang, a letter-of-the-law undercover cop infiltrates the gang but must battle addiction and her moral code especially when her estranged 10 year old daughter is kidnappedRead more
Your logline: (Second attempt)
“When her ex-husband and the love of her life is killed by a vicious drug-manufacturing motorcycle gang, a letter-of-the-law undercover cop infiltrates the gang but must battle addiction and her moral code especially when her estranged 10 year old daughter is kidnapped by the gang.”
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The logline is still too long, however the ‘drug manufacturing’ line is far more clear than the original, ‘ice manufacturing’ line.
As for the rest, I think you should concentrate on either the husbands death or the kidnapping of her daughter and leave the other plot point for the script but not the logline. That will tighten the logline considerably.
That being said, I do believe this to be a solid idea for a story.
See lessWhen an escaped and injured circus wolf is found in the bush, a selfish boy denied owning a dog nurses the wolf in his wardrobe hiding it from his mother’s prying eyes, a determined dog catcher and the cruel circus owner who wants to give the wolf to an animal testing laboratory.
You have too many antagonist in the original logline, that doesn't mean they shouldn't be in the script, it's just making the logline a little long. Here is a logline attempt with only one antagonist: ----- "When he saves an injured wolf from a cruel circus owner, a selfish boy must hide the creaturRead more
You have too many antagonist in the original logline, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be in the script, it’s just making the logline a little long.
Here is a logline attempt with only one antagonist:
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“When he saves an injured wolf from a cruel circus owner, a selfish boy must hide the creature or lose the lupine to the lab to which his former owner has sold the beast.”
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Hope that helped, good luck with this!
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