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At a popular theme park, a new dancer/actor secretly experiences grief and rivalry from the other females in the show as she tries to fit in as the new girl, and survive as slowly employees are disappearing and no one knows why.
You don't really need that first part in the logline: Here is the second half of your logline, (with a small change to the character) "when employees begin to mysteriously disappear and die, a new dancer has to fight to survive and find the killer before she becomes their next victim."
You don’t really need that first part in the logline:
Here is the second half of your logline, (with a small change to the character)
“when employees begin to mysteriously disappear and die, a new dancer has to fight to survive and find the killer before she becomes their next victim.”
See lessWhile a group of older teens are on a camping trip secretly building an unregistered ship,their planet is attacked and destroyed those not killed were taken.The teens have to rescue their families/friends.
1: you don't need to tell us they were on a camping trip. 2: Also; 'unregistered ship' is unclear. Was it unregistered on earth, or was it unregistered to some galactic DMV? If it's unregistered to some earthen authority then that won't be needed in the logline either. 3: Which leads us to the mainRead more
1: you don’t need to tell us they were on a camping trip.
2: Also; ‘unregistered ship’ is unclear. Was it unregistered on earth, or was it unregistered to some galactic DMV? If it’s unregistered to some earthen authority then that won’t be needed in the logline either.
3: Which leads us to the main plot point, “When the earth is destroyed…”
4: You should really have a lead character, such as: “A brash NASA washout and his friends must…” (As an example)
5: The teens have to rescue their families/friends. —- This is the goal, many times in a story the hero must ‘do this’ (reach a certain objective) before he can accomplish his goal.
Here is an example:
“When the earth is destroyed and the survivors enslaved, a brash NASA washout and his friends must discover a band of galactic rebels so they can team up and save their loved ones.”
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessAt a popular theme park, a new dancer/actor secretly experiences grief and rivalry from the other females in the show as she tries to fit in as the new girl, and survive as slowly employees are disappearing and no one knows why.
I agree with dpg, it would help to give the character a goal: "When employee's of the theme park begin disappearing, a shy dancer who's the victim of bullying must prove she isn't the killer when her fellow employees suspect she's behind it." Hope that helps, good luck with this!
I agree with dpg, it would help to give the character a goal:
“When employee’s of the theme park begin disappearing, a shy dancer who’s the victim of bullying must prove she isn’t the killer when her fellow employees suspect she’s behind it.”
Hope that helps, good luck with this!
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