1. Posted: March 3, 2020In:

    A widower, coping with the suicide of her wife, must battle against a corrupt corporate superpower and control to her growing supernatural abilities to save her daughter who they claim does not exist.

    Trix Samurai

    I agree with Mike and Variable... additional thoughts are: A 'widower' is a man who lost his wife, but you're referring to a woman? ?So she'd be a widow. What does 'battle' mean in this context? ?Does she have to expose their shady dealings? ?Bring the company down? ?Find proof of her daughters exisRead more

    I agree with Mike and Variable… additional thoughts are:

    • A ‘widower’ is a man who lost his wife, but you’re referring to a woman? ?So she’d be a widow.
    • What does ‘battle’ mean in this context? ?Does she have to expose their shady dealings? ?Bring the company down? ?Find proof of her daughters existence?
    • Is her superpower linked to the daughter, the corporate entity, or neither?

    Regards
    Trix

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  2. Posted: February 25, 2020In:

    LINK BELOW. ?Recent BBC article may make great ‘based on true events’ film: North Korea. ?Prison guard helps female detainee escape and cross Chinese border. ?He’s disillusioned as his low-caste and financial status thwart ambition of being a police officer. She was imprisoned before for smuggling cash & phone calls out of NK. ?Husband remarried and took their 2 kids away. ?Now she’ll be sent to a death camp. ?SO many possibilities!

    Trix Samurai

    Maybe I should have been clearer. ?I posted this in the public section as a potential story idea that someone may want to pick up on. ?I don't see any harm in offering up potential premises that someone could then post a logline for in another category.    

    Maybe I should have been clearer. ?I posted this in the public section as a potential story idea that someone may want to pick up on. ?I don’t see any harm in offering up potential premises that someone could then post a logline for in another category.

     

     

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  3. Posted: February 25, 2020In:

    Logline: A man marries the woman he drugged and date raped. His journey to get help leaves a trail discovered by her twin sister that forces his wife to make a decision between her husband and her family.

    Trix Samurai

    Hi Tomisin, I think your logline needs a little reordering: The protagonist seems to be the wife, so I would open with her and the inciting incident of discovering she was drugged and date raped. You don't need the word 'logline' in the title. I don't think you need the twin sister either, just theRead more

    Hi Tomisin,

    I think your logline needs a little reordering:

    • The protagonist seems to be the wife, so I would open with her and the inciting incident of discovering she was drugged and date raped.
    • You don’t need the word ‘logline’ in the title.
    • I don’t think you need the twin sister either, just the wife’s discovery.
    • A decision is ‘yes’ or ‘no’ – it’s too simple to sustain a story over and not a goal. ?You need to decide what the goal is?
    • I’m struggling to see the attraction to the premise – a woman leaving a cheating man? It’s been done so much, that even being date raped feels like an attempt to make it new.
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