1. Posted: March 2, 2020In:

    After undergoing an experiment for which a victim?s memory is implanted to him, a serial killer sentenced to death has 24 hours before he suffers irreversible brain damage to find another serial killer and obtain his pardon.

    Trix Samurai

    I agree with variable. ?Who cares? ?Let him fry! LOL. Also: Why only 24 hours? ?Realistically he wouldn't be able to achieve that. What links the two serial killers? ?Is this a Hannibal Lecter scenario? ?Do they have the same MO? If this is an experiment, would they immediately set him an objective?Read more

    I agree with variable. ?Who cares? ?Let him fry! LOL. Also:

    • Why only 24 hours? ?Realistically he wouldn’t be able to achieve that.
    • What links the two serial killers? ?Is this a Hannibal Lecter scenario? ?Do they have the same MO?
    • If this is an experiment, would they immediately set him an objective? ?Wouldn’t they run tests and establish protocols? ?I’d remove the ‘experiment’ element – A death row serial killer has the memories of another killer’s victim (or victims?) implanted…
    • Do you need the ‘irreversible brain damage’ element? ?If a pardon is his reward, then failure means he’ll be killed anyway. ?Two threats of the same thing.

    Regards
    Trix

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  2. Posted: March 3, 2020In:

    In a grayscale world, a man gets obsessed with the window in his new room beyond which the world is colorful

    Trix Samurai

    I agree with dpg, whilst this is immediately engaging, something is missing. ?You mentioned making this a 9th floor flat with no balcony, but I think you're missing a trick there - I'd suggest considering using the colour difference as a metaphor in the man's life (e.g. for depression/grief/literacyRead more

    I agree with dpg, whilst this is immediately engaging, something is missing. ?You mentioned making this a 9th floor flat with no balcony, but I think you’re missing a trick there – I’d suggest considering using the colour difference as a metaphor in the man’s life (e.g. for depression/grief/literacy, etc.)

    • Why is his world greyscale?
    • Why is the outside world in colour?
    • What does this being a ‘new’ room have to do with the story?
    • Is the window the only view? ?Why can’t he leave via a door?

    Regards
    Trix

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  3. Posted: March 3, 2020In:

    Following the suicide of a young female veteran, a battle hardened Special Operations soldier must fight to survive his own “silent war” on the homefront.

    Best Answer
    Trix Samurai

    I agree with dpg... also: His fight to survive appears to be a fight for his emotions, however should you also include a fight for his safety/life? ?If he's on the front line, what physical arena does he have to also navigate at this time? ?Otherwise, he may as well get some r and r in a safe faciliRead more

    I agree with dpg… also:

    • His fight to survive appears to be a fight for his emotions, however should you also include a fight for his safety/life? ?If he’s on the front line, what physical arena does he have to also navigate at this time? ?Otherwise, he may as well get some r and r in a safe facility and that wouldn’t be as full of conflict.
    • What exactly is his silent war? ?Is it depression? ?Suicidal tendencies? ?Grief?
    • Maybe telling us a bit more about his story will allow others to offer more pertinent suggestions. ?E.g. I immediately saw him and her on a specific mission, when she was killed and he has to both battle his grief, complete the mission, and get home. ?This probably clouded my thoughts but may be way off the mark.
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