1. Posted: March 16, 2020In:

    After a heated fallout with her former band mate, a determined singer signs a deal with a ruthless CEO unknowingly in the gangster lifestyle, who fills her head with promises and solo stardom, as she forms a greed dictated rivalry with her formal partner that culminates to tragedy.

    Trix Samurai

    Hi Keymiser, To me your logline reads more like a complete rundown of the film - you've kind of given us a step by step overview. The rivalry seems the most interesting part of the story for me. "after a heated fallout" - either this happened years previously or both members in this band are alreadyRead more

    Hi Keymiser,

    To me your logline reads more like a complete rundown of the film – you’ve kind of given us a step by step overview. The rivalry seems the most interesting part of the story for me.

    • “after a heated fallout” – either this happened years previously or both members in this band are already famous (just not as soloists)? ?Or are we seeing an epic tale spanning years like A Star is Born?
    • I feel
    • The CEO could be dealt with as simply as something like ‘corrupt’ or ‘ruthless’. ?As Deborah_b says, “let the suspense unfold”. ?Is she okay that her fame has come from corrupt means or is this something she despises?
    • Is this a case of ‘be careful what you wish for’?

    I’d recommend thinking about famous rivalries and thinking how you want to pitch your tale. ?E.g. When Geri left The Spice Girls, ?Christina and Brittney, or even Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan – which was a truly tragic tale on so many levels.

    Regards
    Trix

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  2. Posted: March 16, 2020In:

    Two directionless twenty-something bartenders are accidentally exposed to information about a fixed horse race and try to take advantage of this potential windfall without tipping their hand to the nasty thugs that planned the caper

    Best Answer
    Trix Samurai

    I don't know where my head is today, but your logline reminded me of Connie and Carla https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0345074/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1?! Mike hits the nail on the head here with "what else sustains the 90min+ runtime" and "this is simply the tip of the iceberg". ? In Connie and Carla, they witnRead more

    I don’t know where my head is today, but your logline reminded me of Connie and Carla https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0345074/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1?!

    Mike hits the nail on the head here with “what else sustains the 90min+ runtime” and “this is simply the tip of the iceberg”. ? In Connie and Carla, they witness a mob hit and must go into hiding to save their lives… but the world they end up in (LA drag circuit – don’t ask!) ironically answers their pre-witness woes of needing stable and fulfilling work. ?The mob still catches up with them, but by now they’re in a better position (through new alliances) to evade them.

    Connie and Carla is complete daft fluff! ?I don’t know what genre your idea is (which is a potential issue). ?I suppose that’s where I’m heading:

    • What genre is this?
    • Why are they directionless?
    • Why do they need the money?
    • How big a windfall is it?
    • How do the thugs discover them?
    • What do the thugs plan on doing to them?
    • How will they get out of it?

    It sounds like a good set up for a black comedy to me – something that would have a broader appeal than either straight slapstick or thriller?

    Regards
    Trix

     

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  3. Posted: March 15, 2020In:

    The scorned stepchild of a serial killer is pushed to the limit when his stepfather turns on the family and neighbors for what he perceives as their roles in the death of his biological son.

    Trix Samurai

    Hi OlDustyDog, I 'think' I love your premise... the reason I say think, is because I'm not exactly sure what your story is, but I know what I'd like it to be!!! ?So, as the others have pointed out, it's not clear, which leaves me projecting my own twisted desires to watch a film about a stepchild whRead more

    Hi OlDustyDog,

    I ‘think’ I love your premise… the reason I say think, is because I’m not exactly sure what your story is, but I know what I’d like it to be!!! ?So, as the others have pointed out, it’s not clear, which leaves me projecting my own twisted desires to watch a film about a stepchild who is being taught how to be a serial killer by his stepdad! LOL.

    I honestly think Ninann22 nailed a potential premise with “A scorned child must stop his vengeful stepfather from killing his family” and would definitely recommend using that as a starting point for building your story around.

    My thoughts are:

    • I guess the MC is the stepchild… but I wouldn’t be surprised if some people think the MC could be the stepdad. ?I think that may be the way you’ve stated the stepdad’s motivation. ?This could easily be the stepdad’s story.
    • “pushed to the limit” – what would this look like on screen? ?We all have very different limits. ?I’m guessing his limit is defending his life?
    • Does the kid know his dad is a serial killer? ?If he does, that’s pretty fundamental to his character.
    • “the family” – who’s family is this? ?”the” rather than “his” suggests it’s someone else’s family.
    • So the dad blames everyone? ?His own family and all his neighbours for the death of his son? ?What did they do – string him up lynch-mob style? ?Was the son innocent?
    • The fact that the stepdad kills the neighbours – I’m not sure you need this. ?The stepson may want to save them, but his bigger priority would be saving his own family.
    • How old is the stepson? ?Is he an adult or a child? ?Is it his partner and kids he’s protecting or his mum and siblings?

    Regards
    Trix

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