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Accused of a crime for revenge, a sensitive, feminine male struggles to keep his sanity while incarcerated in a small town county jail fully inhabited by a variety of unpredictable strangers.
"Behind bars in the presence of unpredictable company, a new age (occupation)** struggles to keep his sanity after being accused of (crime)**." Dont forget to give your hero an occupation. By using just gender, it could be anyone. Also be specific with the crime. This is a chance to hook the audiencRead more
“Behind bars in the presence of unpredictable company, a new age (occupation)** struggles to keep his sanity after being accused of (crime)**.”
Dont forget to give your hero an occupation. By using just gender, it could be anyone.
Also be specific with the crime. This is a chance to hook the audience and be different.
See lessA tortured former artist, now a compassionate young counselor, has dedicated his life to helping other misfortunate souls. As the troubles of a difficult past continues to cause harm, another life he struggles harder to save is just as important to him as his own?
Heysa Tracy_J. "A tortured former artist..." & "...the troubles of his difficult past..." read identical. How about: "Haunted by a difficult past as a failed artist, a compassionate counselor struggles harder to save his own life when a patient needs him more than himself." The other life he isRead more
Heysa Tracy_J.
“A tortured former artist…” & “…the troubles of his difficult past…” read identical.
How about:
“Haunted by a difficult past as a failed artist, a compassionate counselor struggles harder to save his own life when a patient needs him more than himself.”
The other life he is trying to save is important and should be the main feature as it feels like this is where a majority of act 2 will be and carrying your story.
Hope this helps. 😀
Tor
See lessTrapped inside a deadly house of mirrors, a copy-cat killer suffering double vision becomes the original killers next victim.
Heysa timmyelliot :D I always look forward to reading your comments !! "... suffering double vision." Is clunky and what I was having trouble with. Thanks for clearing up the passive hero situation too. Its an homage to the house of mirrors stalking, but with a new rewrite It can re-locate if need bRead more
Heysa timmyelliot 😀
I always look forward to reading your comments !!
“… suffering double vision.” Is clunky and what I was having trouble with.
Thanks for clearing up the passive hero situation too.
Its an homage to the house of mirrors stalking, but with a new rewrite It can re-locate if need be.
Your advice about the logline being the first act was something to define better.
Happy writing.
Tor.
See less