1. Posted: August 23, 2013In:

    A rural Kansas family believes that love conquers all and good will always win out over evil until their daughter meets a young combat soldier with a bright future just as Iraq is breaking out.

    wilsondownunder Penpusher

    Hi, It sounds like the goal is to more or less remain in control as her life spirals out of control. Personally I think the story would work better if the soldier was her son. The mother and son bond is recognizable and therefore will make your story more plausible. I think a newly introduced boyfriRead more

    Hi,

    It sounds like the goal is to more or less remain in control as her life spirals out of control. Personally I think the story would work better if the soldier was her son. The mother and son bond is recognizable and therefore will make your story more plausible. I think a newly introduced boyfriend won’t offer the investment emotionally that your logline suggests.

    Perhaps she becomes obsessive to the point that she neglects the rest of the family, thus creating tension and resentment.

    My only other suggestion would be to focus on the human elements rather than the patriotism so that it has universal appeal – assuming you want universal appeal.

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  2. Posted: August 20, 2013In:

    A young orphaned undercover detective on suspension learns from an FBI agent that his biological father's is their current target.

    wilsondownunder Penpusher

    Agree - make him on the job

    Agree – make him on the job

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  3. Posted: August 20, 2013In:

    Three best friends return for their high school reunion intent on righting all the wrongs done to them in high school ? by either fucking, marrying, or killing their tormentors.

    wilsondownunder Penpusher

    I'd suggest changing the title if you want this to be mainstream. Otherwise sounds interesting.

    I’d suggest changing the title if you want this to be mainstream. Otherwise sounds interesting.

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