Penpusher
Posted: 2016-05-25T09:11:54+10:00 In:

When a couple and six strangers are trapped in an outback pub by a swarm of genetically engineered flying soldiers, they must fight for their lives, but first they must work out who or what is the real menace.

When a couple and six strangers are trapped in an outback pub by a swarm of genetically engineered flying soldiers, they must fight for their lives, but first they must work out who or what is the real menace.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The last clause in the logline can be cut, best to focus on the goal and main action in the plot. Figuring out who sent the soldiers is a lesser action, that’s taken early on in the story, than fighting them

      Who is the main character? Is it the couple? Or the wife? Or the husband? If you could specify one it would help clear up the plot a bit more.

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    2. Singularity

      >>>they must fight for their lives, but first they must work out who or what is the real menace.

      I think what the you mean to allude to is that in the process of fighting for their lives (Act 2) they discover a greater menace behind the apparent menace (Act 3). ?That seems to be the Big Reveal and a logline should never tip its hand on that plot point.

      And as noted, it’s usually better to narrow the focus on a particular character as the protagonist.?

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