When her prison-inmate pen pal shows up unexpectedly asking her to go on a trip with him, an introverted true-crime obsessive doesn’t know how to say no – especially when he reveals its to attend his parents golden wedding anniversary which he wasn’t invited.
Luke RamsdenLogliner
When her prison-inmate pen pal shows up unexpectedly asking her to go on a trip with him, an introverted true-crime obsessive doesn’t know how to say no – especially when he reveals its to attend his parents golden wedding anniversary which he wasn’t invited.
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The logline sets up a situation with a lot potential for comedy.? Now it needs to follow through with a more focused statement of? the plot.
Who is the protagonist, the guy or the gal?? If it’s the gal, what becomes her specific objective goal when the ex-inmate shows up on her doorstep wanting to take her to the golden anniversary?? If it’s the guy, what is his objective goal beside having her tag along?? What is the next step, next level he has in mind?
Agreed with DPG.
You could cut down on many words in the second half of the logline, and replace them with action and goal descriptions. Does she fall in love with him? If so you could add a personal stake for her, otherwise the whole thing seems rather unmotivated, why do anything with this guy?