A group of sister have a lengthy conversation trying to fill in the social, cultural and physiological blanks about a long extinct species: Humans.

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6 reviews

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

The logline lacks a plot.

And if the sisters aren't human? then what are they?

Mandavirmais · Logliner · 490 pts

Sounds like a short movie, or a theater piece... Use the plural in sisters... How many sisters?
Is this a post-human species or just a group of aliens? Are they organic beings?
What is their interest in humans? Are they scientists or is this just a casual conversation?
What kind of society are we talking about?
Do they have contrasting opinions about humans? You need conflict...
If it is a comedy you should present something that indicates the genre in your logline.

Ray Star/ing · Penpusher · 150 pts

A group of sisters have a lengthy conversations as they attempt to learn the social, cultural and physiological processes of a mostly unknown and extinct species: Human.

Here's my take, but I'm a newbie...

Richiev · Singularity · 58,825 pts

Where is the conflict?

Who is the lead character?
What is their goal?
What is standing in their way?

CraigDGriffiths · Overlord · 12,600 pts

It's good to have intrigue but not confusion. If they are not human they are?

Plus a conversation isn't much of a story. What happens during the conversation? This is conversation fully of subtext about their relationship?

I don't see enough here to know what your story truly is and what it is about.

This next sentence may seems a bit hard.

But your logline should show us how clever your story is, not how clever you are. Your logline is a witty little sentence with a sting in the tale. Shows you can write, but I am blind to the real story.