All the King’s Women- When they become fed up with being one of the king’s many “fair maidens”, three wenches conspire to kill him, but when the queen dies and the king announces his plan to remarry, the three turn on each other as they vie to be the next lady of royalty.

Dpg I don't disagree with you. My only suggestion was to be a little more specific and that may help better convey the tone of the story. Like I said naming a particular contest isn't necessarily the way, but maybe something like:

After?the queen dies, three wenches stop conspiring ?to kill the king and?concoct elaborate plans to win his favor and become the next queen. (25)

I think something like that is more likely to bring a more comedic, ridiculous?situation to mind.

Dhasitngs, is there a reason the protagonists are described as wenches rather than another position which would more obviously give the king reason to notice them?
I hope this helps.

Whatever.

I'm just saying that the reversal the wenches undergo, from conspiring to killing the king, to vying to wed him, is a great way to boot up the story.

The ?dialectic, the yin /yang, ?the systole-diastole beat of all comedy and drama ?is reversal. ?Reversal of fortune. Reversal of intention. ?Reversal of relationship.

And this story sets up the strongest reversals possible -- 180 degree whiplash-inducing reversals of fortune, intent and relationship. ?Properly executed, it s a winning combination of reversals.

Whatever.

I'm just saying that the reversal the wenches undergo, from conspiring to killing the king, to vying to wed him, is a great way to boot up the story.

The ?dialectic, the yin /yang, ?the systole-diastole beat of all comedy and drama ?is reversal. ?Reversal of fortune. Reversal of intention. ?Reversal of relationship.

And this story sets up the strongest reversals possible -- 180 degree whiplash-inducing reversals of fortune, intent and relationship. ?Properly executed, it s a winning combination of reversals.

Once again, thank you for the reviews!

I will post a rewrite for this logline soon. Based on the initial logline, the tone of the film may be interpreted in different ways. I see it as a dark comedy/romance film. Specifically, it's like a medieval John Tucker Must Die. ?My initial thought for the overall story is that each "wench" actually has a male suitor that they've been overlooking. All of them come up with elaborate, but also borderline ridiculous plans to get rid of each other that backfire. There's a lot to flesh out still.

Well, sure, in your version you made them concubines, but in the post made by the author they are described as wenches. And the author hasn't posted a revision or responded directly to your feedback so maybe he/she worked out that detail and doesn't plan to change it.

To be honest, when I first read the concept I thought it was a drama, comedy didn't even cross my mind. That may be because of my personal taste but still the original logline, and even your version don't paint a picture of comedy in my head.

I did list specific examples, and it doesn't necessarily need that I do think some a little more specific than "compete" or "vie" could help. Nir Shelter's version more so paints a comedic picture in my mind. "Sabotage each others' attempts" sounds like the type of situation a?comedy would present.

Even your description, "They start out as co-conspirators who want to kill the king, then turn into rivals trying to kill each other (eventually) as they fight to win his favor." doesn't paint a comedic situation to me. Not to say I immediately see a super-dark movie, but I don't exactly see them cracking jokes or pulling off silly hijinks.
But that does bring up the question of what kind of tone, what kind of comedy?
Just my thoughts.