Categories: Fantasy
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Wasn't expecting this level of feedback - thank you!
All of your comments are of use and give me a good insight into what I'm not communicating about my story within the logline.
Sounds similar to Elysium (2013), where the elite live in a luxurious satellite colony in space.?? Also the protagonist in that film had personal stakes -- it's a matter of life and death-- with a ticking clock.
What are the life-or-death stakes for the protagonist and his motley crew ? ? What do they stand to lose if they don't try to invade "heaven", just accept their lot in "hell"?? IOW:? Why MUST they invade "heaven NOW"?? What's the urgent need?
Sounds similar to Elysium (2013), where the elite live in a luxurious satellite colony in space.?? Also the protagonist in that film had personal stakes -- it's a matter of life and death-- with a ticking clock.
What are the life-or-death stakes for the protagonist and his motley crew ? ? What do they stand to lose if they don't try to invade "heaven", just accept their lot in "hell"?? IOW:? Why MUST they invade "heaven NOW"?? What's the urgent need?
Hi AHarper,
I did this very quickly with what you gave us with the original logline...
In a post-apocalyptic future where the poor live underground, a teen sets off on a perilous journey to the affluent city above, in search of life-saving supplies.
INTENTION: to get life-saving supplies. (figured might as well make it more intense.)
OBSTACLE: perilous journey/everything on that journey.
I'd probably push in on the obstacle. How can we make this worse for him? How can we make it harder?
I'd probably put more in like the teen's wounded/dying father needs the supplies (this way it's more primal) but it's quite a lot to digest already.
Good luck with your writing!
I would watch this. :)
I'm not sure how much worldbuilding you really need in your logline. How about something like:
A rebellious teen leads a group of scavengers on a dangerous hunt for supplies in an elite city floating above the pollution of her planet.
It emphasises your protagonist and her/his goal + actions more, by placing that information first.
I saw Matt Nix talking about pitching this week, and he emphasised getting to the bit of your story that everyone will relate to, no matter whether they're interested in your world or not. A rebellious teen on a dangerous mission might incite the curiosity of more people than a floating city. You know? I mean, I don't know WHY? Who doesn't love a good floating city? But just in case ...
Nice work!
Thanks both, good questions. I have answers to most of them. The issue is cramming enough into the logline without it turning into an outline - haha!
I'm finding this logline particularly difficult as I'm having to explain the functions of the world as well as the story itself (I'm not usually a fantasists, my stories are usually grounded/contained)
Will weigh all the above up and see how I can better summarise the story. Cheers!
