Categories: Comedy
Do you conceive this as a one-off feature film? ?Or the origin episode for a film franchise? ?(I myself think the story certainly has potential for setting up the latter. )
Whatever, I suggest the inciting incident may need some polishing. ?First of all, does being descended from Aztec gods convey some ultra-human powers? ?I'm guessing it does, but I shouldn't have to guess. ?So I think the logline needs to say so because that is the story hook, the strongest selling point for the story.
Being a descendant of Aztec gods certainly raises a lot of career possibilities for the Latina. ?So of all the things she could do with her powers, what incites her to take on the bad hombres?
Well, one obvious answer to that she vows to take on the bad hombres ?to avenge a great injustice, the death of beloved ones in her family (father, mother, both, take your pick.) So I suggest the logline needs to indicate that. ?This justifies her career choice, strengthens her motivation and makes the stakes personal.
A final point: ?loglines for fictional stories should need not, in fact should not, include the names of the characters. ?Movie makers don't care about names at this point. They do care about what kind of characters they are -- their defining characteristic. ?It's sufficient to say that she descended from Aztec gods and he is a shapeshifter.
Best wishes for this story.
Agreed with the above, she needs a definitive event which motivates her to team up with the detective.?Currently this sounds like a series more than a film, if this is the case, the logline needs to serve a different purpose. Assuming it's a film she could be implicated in a murder, or been involved in a crime the detective is working on but her story does need a starting point. Secondly, her goal is unclear. What does "...find out the truth about her lineage..." in practical terms? Does it mean she wants to find her living relatives or debunk a myth? Whatever it is that drives her throughout her story, it needs to be clarified.
A quick note
you say: "she decides to join forces with..."
should say: "she joins forces with..."
You don't need to tells us what she decides, just what she does.
Anyway just a little thing.
Solid, thorough and amazingly helpful. Thanks.
Great advice, dpg. If the author follows it, this log will find itself half the length, minimum.
Do you conceive this as a one-off feature film? ?Or the origin episode for a film franchise? ?(I myself think the story certainly has potential for setting up the latter. )
Whatever, I suggest the inciting incident may need some polishing. ?First of all, does being descended from Aztec gods convey some ultra-human powers? ?I'm guessing it does, but I shouldn't have to guess. ?So I think the logline needs to say so because that is the story hook, the strongest selling point for the story.
Being a descendant of Aztec gods certainly raises a lot of career possibilities for the Latina. ?So of all the things she could do with her powers, what incites her to take on the bad hombres?
Well, one obvious answer to that she vows to take on the bad hombres ?to avenge a great injustice, the death of beloved ones in her family (father, mother, both, take your pick.) So I suggest the logline needs to indicate that. ?This justifies her career choice, strengthens her motivation and makes the stakes personal.
A final point: ?loglines for fictional stories should need not, in fact should not, include the names of the characters. ?Movie makers don't care about names at this point. They do care about what kind of characters they are -- their defining characteristic. ?It's sufficient to say that she descended from Aztec gods and he is a shapeshifter.
Best wishes for this story.
