1. Posted: April 10, 2018In:

    While training a new intelligent human specie, a scientist discovers their origin to be alien. He must lead an intelligence team to erase them before they emerge as emperors to human-intelligence.

    variable Uberwriter

    Humans are already an "intelligent" specie. It needs be mentioned if dogs started to speak. another take-- After the rise of "evolved homosapiens" an inquisitive biologist researches the responsible meteor shower, to encounter a bigger mystery........wait! 1. You need to spell it out in your loglineRead more

    Humans are already an “intelligent” specie. It needs be mentioned if dogs started to speak.

    another take–
    After the rise of “evolved homosapiens” an inquisitive biologist researches the responsible meteor shower, to encounter a bigger mystery……..wait!

    1. You need to spell it out in your logline, WHAT MYSTERY DOES HE ENCOUNTER? It cannot be vague

    2. What becomes his GOAL as a result of researching that century old meteor shower? WHAT SPECIFIC PROBLEMS arise?

    3. Why would the government send a biologist to “contain” an intelligent specie?
    Your logline would benefit from “a biologist leading a team of military….” Biologists are intellectuals needed in lab at the time of such an emergency

    4. What is your Inciting Incident? Since the evolved specie came into existence a century ago, what forced the biologist to research the meteor shower? WHY NOW?

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: April 9, 2018In:

    Does my logline work, is it clear and show the character, event, and action.

    variable Uberwriter

    I would like to see a ghetto girl outsmart city brats (and maybe fall for one of them) it's an interesting premise... Character: A young black Caribbean girl from the ghetto Event: leaves her unfit mother, a protective grandmother and drug lord godfather to live with her so-called dad in suburbia AmRead more

    I would like to see a ghetto girl outsmart city brats (and maybe fall for one of them) it’s an interesting premise…

    Character: A young black Caribbean girl from the ghetto

    Event: leaves her unfit mother, a protective grandmother and drug lord godfather to live with her so-called dad in suburbia America

    Goal: ?? (heart of a logline)

    Action: where she uses her street sense to overcome prejudice and ignorant stereotypes

    Conflict:?? (not necessary to mention, but must be implied)

    It’s not enough to show character, event and goal (not action) They must tightly relate to each other.
    You are not mentioning “three seperate things” but “one logline”

    The way I see it, drop a goal for her…then create necessary conflict. Reverse Engineer your way to the event to satisfy “why this character” and “why now”

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: April 8, 2018In:

    When a young pregnant woman finds herself unconscious in an unknown apartment, she must escape saving her unborn child from a psychopath who eats young life.

    variable Uberwriter

    "After waking up in a vacant mall, a pregnant teenager must escape from a cannibalistic psychopath before her water breaks" It's a lousy try, you will have to edit detail for your perusal

    “After waking up in a vacant mall, a pregnant teenager must escape from a cannibalistic psychopath before her water breaks”

    It’s a lousy try, you will have to edit detail for your perusal

    See less
    • 0