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A burnt-out detective has to face his past when offered the job of finding two missing kids in a small-town full of lies.
It's clear to me that he's burnt out from his past (due dead kids of his own) and a small town full of lies...reminds me of something like "get out" (2017) either his past needs to be spelled out in the logline, something like "a grieving father" maybe.. ( google "vilomah" ) Or drop it out entirely!Read more
It’s clear to me that he’s burnt out from his past (due dead kids of his own) and a small town full of lies…reminds me of something like “get out” (2017)
either
his past needs to be spelled out in the logline, something like “a grieving father” maybe.. ( google “vilomah” )
Or
drop it out entirely!
This film has the capacity for a big heart
BUT IT NEEDS CLARITY
You need something more tangible than “a small town full of lies” So something like…
“When two kids go missing, a burnt out detective realizes their entire town is hiding something”
good luck eeveetr
See lessAfter a drunken hookup at a work party, an ad-exec realizes that he is in love with his ?work wife.? He must decide whether to profess his feelings or keep their relationship as is before she moves out of state with her boyfriend.
1. "what complication shows up as a result of his confession" might lead you somewhere, since most audience wouldn't be satisfied if "he didn't confess" and "she leaves" (also the film will get over) no one would sit an hour & a half, waiting for him to decide. Decisions cannot be Goal 2. "drunkRead more
1.
“what complication shows up as a result of his confession” might lead you somewhere,
since most audience wouldn’t be satisfied if “he didn’t confess” and “she leaves” (also the film will get over)
no one would sit an hour & a half, waiting for him to decide. Decisions cannot be Goal
2.
“drunken hookup” is an event but maybe not the Inciting event…Why? Currently it reads as:
“after falling in love with his work wife over a party, a man must confess or lose her forever…” (which is logical, how else would she know?)
3.
“to confess” is a short-lived action which cannot sustain an entire feature length film
Focus on what’s stopping him from confessing — Is she married (unhappily) to the brother, whom he owes his entire upbringing?
Or she can’t marry him for some other reason? Maybe she’s an alien sent to retrieve a human specimen, but she can’t since she fell in love too
Conclusion:
In romance (genre) focus on the forces keeping them apart…
Good luck mrtz17!!
See lessWhen planetary gods disagree on each other’s decisions of “universal laws”, An Earth God engages in a divine war against the biased laws for his claim in the new world
"a divine war" sets up the premise but still a let-go-able information. Give us the specifics on "an earth god", "biased laws" and "his claim" so we know the stakes and relate The Inciting Incident in description "after an interplanetary meeting goes haywire" works better Also would benefit from a bRead more
“a divine war” sets up the premise but still a let-go-able information. Give us the specifics on “an earth god”, “biased laws” and “his claim” so we know the stakes and relate
The Inciting Incident in description “after an interplanetary meeting goes haywire” works better
Also would benefit from a better goal (than to fight for his claim in the new world)(although it sounds pretty cool)
After the interplanetary council enforces a law against having human relations, a demigod rebels for his true love…..ha ha!
See less“god”speed wind (pun intended)