1. Posted: May 14, 2018In:

    Version 2 based on your reviews. Thank you

    variable Uberwriter

    >>>...but taking elements away from this description will not explain the plot in its entirety. You don't need to explain the plot in its entirety, just the "Hero-Inciting Event-Goal" work superbly Protagonist is clearly "a young misguided Muslim" Inciting event could be any of the two specRead more

    >>>…but taking elements away from this description will not explain the plot in its entirety.

    You don’t need to explain the plot in its entirety, just the “Hero-Inciting Event-Goal” work superbly

    Protagonist is clearly “a young misguided Muslim”

    Inciting event could be any of the two specified:
    1. “Coerced by a maniac” or
    2. “The terror attack”
    .
    .
    which is it?

    And finally,
    What becomes his Goal? (As a response to this event’s stimulus)

    PS. Your premise IS hooking. All you need to do is frame it in something like —
    when [this event] happens, [this protagonist] must reach [this goal]
    …all the while implying conflict and stakes

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  2. Posted: May 14, 2018In:

    Version 2 based on your reviews. Thank you

    variable Uberwriter

    It seems to be a great film idea! but what becomes his Goal? Another take could be -- "After a young muslim is deceived by a maniac into orchestrating a terror attack at a busy street, he must track his cyber bully to evade death sentence"

    It seems to be a great film idea! but what becomes his Goal? Another take could be —

    “After a young muslim is deceived by a maniac into orchestrating a terror attack at a busy street, he must track his cyber bully to evade death sentence”

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  3. Posted: May 14, 2018In:

    Jesus Christ living under an alias is brutalized by two police officers and decides to fight back bringing him face to face with his estranged daughter a sergeant in SWAT. Their confrontation will decide whether humanity lives or dies.

    Best Answer
    variable Uberwriter

    Hello LucienYork, welcome! I strongly recommend visiting this link below: https://loglines.org/?sort=vote Page after page It includes the top rated loglines posted here. It's really immersing and you'd get what is considered a "good logline" ...but maybe you've written your treatment or the first drRead more

    Hello LucienYork, welcome!

    I strongly recommend visiting this link below:
    https://loglines.org/?sort=vote

    Page after page It includes the top rated loglines posted here. It’s really immersing and you’d get what is considered a “good logline”

    …but maybe you’ve written your treatment or the first draft well enough and only struggle to put it into a logline?? In that case, If you provide a link to your “work in progress”, we’d be willing to take a look and try our best to logline it,
    because currently, there is no film here…

    A logline must include a character-event-goal dynamic and must raise only this one question:
    “will our hero achieve his goal?” Whereas yours leave us with many,
    Why is Jesus Christ living under an alias?
    Why was he brutalized by the two police officers?
    (Is that you’re inciting event?)
    How come he decides to fight back? How does his confrontation an estranged daughter decide whether humanity lives or dies? As a result, what becomes his objective goal?

    Good luck!

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