1. Posted: July 24, 2015In:

    Long ago mankind created beings believed to be perfect, and are now worshiped as gods. But when a man discovers their secret, he begins to question their divinity.

    FFF Mentor

    I like your rewriting! I wouldn't say "tries to expose", I would say "fights" or "struggles".

    I like your rewriting! I wouldn’t say “tries to expose”, I would say “fights” or “struggles”.

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  2. Posted: July 23, 2015In:

    When their conversion to goodness is discovered by Lucifer, a young devil and his converted, ‘goody two shoes’ family flee Hell for the suburban life of Canberra where the boy finds that being a horned, red-skinned devil and ‘fitting in’ to Earthly life is not as easy as he thought.

    FFF Mentor

    In fact, I think that the fact that they are 2 is useless. One demon is enough, with a little ally from hell eventually, like a talking pet lizard. "When a rebel teen demon lands on earth, he must.... if he wants to......"

    In fact, I think that the fact that they are 2 is useless. One demon is enough, with a little ally from hell eventually, like a talking pet lizard.

    “When a rebel teen demon lands on earth, he must…. if he wants to……”

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  3. Posted: July 23, 2015In:

    When their conversion to goodness is discovered by Lucifer, a young devil and his converted, ‘goody two shoes’ family flee Hell for the suburban life of Canberra where the boy finds that being a horned, red-skinned devil and ‘fitting in’ to Earthly life is not as easy as he thought.

    FFF Mentor

    "When 2 rebel demons land on earth to escape the wrath of Lucifer, they must find true love if they want to become humans before Lucifer finds them."

    “When 2 rebel demons land on earth to escape the wrath of Lucifer, they must find true love if they want to become humans before Lucifer finds them.”

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