1. Posted: July 7, 2015In:

    An IDF Lieutenant has terrible visions of the world’s destruction relating to the arrival of a man claiming to be the Messiah through unexplained miracles.

    FFF Mentor

    The logline is not clear, it need a serious rewriting to match your story.

    The logline is not clear, it need a serious rewriting to match your story.

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  2. Posted: July 7, 2015In:

    Twenty years after the unexplained disappearance of five children, a grubby private investigator and his straight-laced daughter get tangled up in the case, taking on the mob, decade old secrets and the gritty underworld of 60's America.

    FFF Mentor

    hello, you should mention the inciting event (what puts the story in motion.. the "why now")

    hello, you should mention the inciting event (what puts the story in motion.. the “why now”)

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  3. Posted: July 7, 2015In:

    When his research lab risks beign shut down, a passionate scientist and his nerdy intern build a believable fake AI, but they need to pass a series of tests to be taken seriously while unscrupulous corporations want to take possession of the invention.

    FFF Mentor

    Hello, I edited it a little to match your advice. I used "very" because I imagine a one-man lab, isolated, where the scientist is doing experiments about a very speculative and almost purposeless theory with the money of an old benevolent (and maybe a little crazy) mentor who is almost ruined. I donRead more

    Hello, I edited it a little to match your advice. I used “very” because I imagine a one-man lab, isolated, where the scientist is doing experiments about a very speculative and almost purposeless theory with the money of an old benevolent (and maybe a little crazy) mentor who is almost ruined. I don’t know if “very” is appropriate. Is it? I can simply say “when his research lab risks to be shut down”.

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