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When a favour is called in a large amount of drugs is discovered missing by a ruthless crime boss, now a amoral rapper must elude his debtors or pay with his life.
You have a passive hero. This is usually not good. What is the main character's goal? be careful: a debtor is an entity that owes a debt to another entity.
You have a passive hero. This is usually not good. What is the main character’s goal?
be careful: a debtor is an entity that owes a debt to another entity.
See lessWhen their Uncle is murdered by the Irish Mafia because of their dead father's debt, an honest citizen joins his teenage brother to take their revenge. They must fight against mobsters and the corrupt policemen who control the streets of Boston to ultimately dismantle the oldest crime group in the United States or die trying.
Hello, 2 things 1- you should keep it one sentence. 2- you have to mention only the most relevant elements and be sure that all the elements are linked in a logic scheme. So, the reason Mafia kills the uncle is irrelevant. What is important is that he's the uncle of the main character, this motivateRead more
Hello,
2 things
1- you should keep it one sentence.
2- you have to mention only the most relevant elements and be sure that all the elements are linked in a logic scheme.
So,
See lessthe reason Mafia kills the uncle is irrelevant. What is important is that he’s the uncle of the main character, this motivates him enough o take a revenge. A teenage brother? a big brother should protect his teenage brother and try to keep him away from the dirty business… no logic here.
You say “they must”: why? Can’t they just move? Or paying the debt? Or join the mafia?
You have to make a creative decision: is this a revenge movie? cut all teh rest. is-it a drama? fous on drama – just keep focused.
When a car – jacking goes wrong a young gang banger is pitted against police, but when the governors daughter is kidnapped he will be given one last chance at redemption.
I really don't understand why you use "but" like this in a logline. this is totally new to me. Try to put the elements in the standard order at first, then you can push the style a little bit. When you use the standard order you can easily spot story problems and test the concept. When [INCITING INCRead more
I really don’t understand why you use “but” like this in a logline. this is totally new to me. Try to put the elements in the standard order at first, then you can push the style a little bit. When you use the standard order you can easily spot story problems and test the concept.
See lessWhen [INCITING INCIDENT OCCURS], a [SPECIFIC PROTAGONIST] must [OBJECTIVE], or else [STAKES].