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When a aspiring rapper discovers his friend dead he wants revenge, but when he is blamed for a emerging drug war he must escape his pursuers.
2 stories doesn't make one. You have to find a way to melt together the story elements. If you want to track the revenge story you have an active character, so you can drop the 'passive' character part. To have a rapper as a main character is interesting, you should connect this element to somethingRead more
2 stories doesn’t make one.
See lessYou have to find a way to melt together the story elements.
If you want to track the revenge story you have an active character, so you can drop the ‘passive’ character part.
To have a rapper as a main character is interesting, you should connect this element to something else in the story to build a more solid design. Mybe the music industry is involved in the murderer? Try to include some elements of the plot in the logline.
When a mysterious predator ?disappears? an over-curious bushwalker, the legend of the River Country reawakens, and his friends find themselves tangled in the complex web of the town?s dark past, testing relationships, mateship, loyalty and true love.
If there is a word that should be eliminated from the logline dictionary is 'mysterious'. I used it too, I understand, but this wrod means nothing so it's a waste of precious psace in a logline. I think the previous version was better because it was shorter and clearer. Start with the ending then imRead more
If there is a word that should be eliminated from the logline dictionary is ‘mysterious’. I used it too, I understand, but this wrod means nothing so it’s a waste of precious psace in a logline.
I think the previous version was better because it was shorter and clearer.
Start with the ending then imagine the main steps to arrive to this ending, then write the logline (you didn’t have to give away the ending but the ending will guide you in writing the main steps).
And the steps ust be well connected. A bushwalker disappears. So? What is the link with the “complex web” and the “dark past”? A bushwalker disappears and his brother organise a search in the woods, this I can understand.
Avoid things that are vague like dark past and complex web.
Anyway, I think that you have understand that writing is re-writing, and I’ll be pleased to read your new versions (try to do your best to make them good 🙂 )
See lessWith crime running rampant in Los Angeles, a rookie DA begins receiving unsolicited advice from the ghost a of a once famed long dead prosecutor, era's clash as they fight to bring justice to the southland.
I am not familiar with serie loglines. As far as I am concerned this last version satisfy me as I imagine that in each episode the two characters need so solve one case. I don't know if that can be called a logline, it seems more a 'concept' to me. But if you have to write the logline for the pilot,Read more
I am not familiar with serie loglines. As far as I am concerned this last version satisfy me as I imagine that in each episode the two characters need so solve one case. I don’t know if that can be called a logline, it seems more a ‘concept’ to me.
See lessBut if you have to write the logline for the pilot, than give us this case! we need it to like or not the concept!