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A female terrorist forces the son of the president of the U.S. to help her in finding her sister, Lilith, who was abducted by the U.S. government because of Lilith's Godly telekinetic powers.
I agree with Nir Shelter. And a recall of one general rule in loglines: avoid names (like "Lilith"). Reading the original logline I thought of this as a teen movie, so I'd say: "After her sister is abducted by the government because of her mental powers, a smart girl convinces the U.S president's soRead more
I agree with Nir Shelter.
And a recall of one general rule in loglines: avoid names (like “Lilith”).
Reading the original logline I thought of this as a teen movie, so I’d say:
“After her sister is abducted by the government because of her mental powers, a smart girl convinces the U.S president’s son to join her in a desperate rescue mission”.
See lessA marked-for-death outlaw rekindles old Dixie Mafia blood feuds after returning to the rogue barrier island of Vengeance on a mission to reclaim what?s his and kill the dirty motherfucker who gunned him down, stole his girl, and built a cocaine empire in the lawless coastal town he once called home.
Hello, the movie could be interesting but the logline sounds hard to read and confusing - too much details and names - you should avoid names (like island of Vengeance). You can improve the logline making it shorter and clearer. Something like : "A marked-for-death outlaw seek revenge over the dirtyRead more
Hello, the movie could be interesting but the logline sounds hard to read and confusing – too much details and names – you should avoid names (like island of Vengeance). You can improve the logline making it shorter and clearer.
Something like :
“A marked-for-death outlaw seek revenge over the dirty motherfucker who gunned him down, stole his girl and built a cocaine empire in his hometown”.
See lessAn egocentric writer translates a novel that details the impending torture of him and his family unless he figures out who wrote it and makes amends.
There will be 2 kinds of sequences, -the reality, with the writer, his job and his tentative to protect his family, -the content of the novel, where we see what could happens (his family been tortured) I think the writer will finally find that the murderer is himself, but I don't think you have to gRead more
There will be 2 kinds of sequences,
-the reality, with the writer, his job and his tentative to protect his family,
-the content of the novel, where we see what could happens (his family been tortured)
I think the writer will finally find that the murderer is himself, but I don’t think you have to give any clues in the logline. Or he thinks to be the murderer but … (surprise).
I think the problem with your MC is just the way you present him in the logline. In fact I can imagine a character who start as a selfish writer, then he SEE (in the novel) her family in danger (greater dangers… first someone spying on them, then kidnapping, the torturing etc) so the writer understand that he cares and that he need do do something to stop this (and become a better person).
I think the expression “make amends” is too vague.
See less