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After a young insecure girl, who lost her boyfriend by an accident, is sending a naked video to a strange men which is causing bullying attacks at school, she is moving to a new town to build friendships, but the cyber attacks continue and increase her depression.
Hello, too complicated. First, be sure to read this: http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/ Ask yourself: what is your story about. Try to answer in the most basic and simple way. Is it the story of a girl who did a naked video and can't deal with her boyfriend's catholic family? OrRead more
Hello,
too complicated.
First, be sure to read this: http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/
Ask yourself: what is your story about. Try to answer in the most basic and simple way.
Is it the story of a girl who did a naked video and can’t deal with her boyfriend’s catholic family?
Or is it the story of a girl who is cyberbullied ?
These are two differents story. You have to make a creative choice. You can have one as the main story and the second as B story (the B sotry doesn’t appear in the logline).
I think the story of a girl who is cyberbullied is much more interesting and original, but you have to choose by yourself.
You have to give a clear goal to your main character and the goal must be included in the logline.
See lessAfter a young insecure girl, who lost her boyfriend by an accident, is sending a naked video to a strange men which is causing bullying attacks at school, she is moving to a new town to build friendships, but the cyber attacks continue and increase her depression.
I do not know movies about cyber mobbing. Maybe there are a few, you should do some research. I think the 'idea' is interesing but you have a lot of work to do. The backstory with her boyfriend doesn't help at this stage of developement, I'm sorry to say. For your logline you should focus on what thRead more
I do not know movies about cyber mobbing. Maybe there are a few, you should do some research. I think the ‘idea’ is interesing but you have a lot of work to do.
The backstory with her boyfriend doesn’t help at this stage of developement, I’m sorry to say. For your logline you should focus on what the girl do (“moving” is nothing, it takes 1 line in a script, and if it takes more It is boring; “getting depressed” is too vague and it is not ‘active’). Will you go see a movie about a girl getting depressed? Thinks about all the movies where you have a depressed character and read the loglines: you’ll find that there is much more that ‘someone getting depressed’.
See lessA naive young wordsmith from a country village must face down the dark and callous aspects of humanity to rescue his childhood friend, kidnapped years earlier, and bring down the criminal organisation which has subjugated her
Hello, As far as I'm concerned I think you should avoid this kind of expression: "the dark and callous aspects of humanity". It's too vague. I think you should include the incident that ignites the story (it can't be the kidnapping because it happened "years before"); the incident could make the logRead more
Hello,
As far as I’m concerned I think you should avoid this kind of expression: “the dark and callous aspects of humanity”. It’s too vague.
I think you should include the incident that ignites the story (it can’t be the kidnapping because it happened “years before”); the incident could make the logline more powerful.
I have a problem with the term wordsmith?: it doesn?t help me to understand the character ? is him a young journalist?
See less