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  1. Posted: March 30, 2015In: Public

    "When an uptight accountant agrees to spend Christmas with his fiance' and her parents, he ends up in the last place he would ever want to be, a new age hippy commune, and must learn to accept their free spirit lifestyle or escape and risk losing his future bride."

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on March 31, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    It can be be the winter soltice, which is close to christmas (21-22 december). This can easily generate some gags and misunderstandings at the beginning of the movie. Please write this movie. I'm enthousiaste about your idea.

    It can be be the winter soltice, which is close to christmas (21-22 december). This can easily generate some gags and misunderstandings at the beginning of the movie.

    Please write this movie. I’m enthousiaste about your idea.

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  2. Posted: March 31, 2015In: Public

    Two best friends with Down Syndrome are ecstatic to discover that they have been selected to test Hoogle?s new technology: the Hoogle Hat. But when the hat seems to brainwash the other test subjects, they realize that they are the only people who can stop Hoogle from taking over the world.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on March 31, 2015 at 6:12 pm

    I think I get the idea but as a logline it would need some more work. First, you have to define what the google (ahem, hoogle) hat do, for example to immunize from Alzheimer, or to boost intelligence or to connect to the internet... whatever. It must be something that appears to be good for humanityRead more

    I think I get the idea but as a logline it would need some more work.

    First, you have to define what the google (ahem, hoogle) hat do, for example to immunize from Alzheimer, or to boost intelligence or to connect to the internet… whatever. It must be something that appears to be good for humanity.

    Secondly you should structure the logline to catch the main story in a few words.

    Something like:

    When two down friends are invited to test a new technology meant to heal their condition, they discover a huge scale mind control plan and decide to sabotage the testing facility and save the world.
    Or

    When two down friends discover that the new technology meant to heal their condition will be used to mind control the whole population, they decide to sabotage the factory and save the world.

    (You can do better than this)

    I think I understand why they must be Down people. It’s a ‘fool triumphant’ film (Blake Snyder). And they are two because they are comic buddies. You have to take some creative decisions: is the down condition that allows them to be immunes to the technology or is the technology that boosts their intelligence so that they can understand the mind control plan and act against it? I think the whole movie could be set in the testing facility (it seems to me this is your idea) and that’s good.

    This sory has potential for me, just work on it.

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  3. Posted: March 30, 2015In: Public

    "When an uptight accountant agrees to spend Christmas with his fiance' and her parents, he ends up in the last place he would ever want to be, a new age hippy commune, and must learn to accept their free spirit lifestyle or escape and risk losing his future bride."

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on March 30, 2015 at 10:22 pm

    Hello, it could be funny. "Meet the [new age] parents". besides you can avoid this kind of sentence : "he ends up in the last place he would ever want to be"= a lots of words for not so much. You said an "uptight" accountant, it's clear enough that it would not be at ease in a hippie commune. What aRead more

    Hello,
    it could be funny. “Meet the [new age] parents”.

    besides you can avoid this kind of sentence : “he ends up in the last place he would ever want to be”= a lots of words for not so much. You said an “uptight” accountant, it’s clear enough that it would not be at ease in a hippie commune.

    What about:
    “An uptight accountant must survive a Christmas with his fiance’ and her parents in a new age hippy commune”.

    Must-it be christmas? (hippies may not be into christmas). Could it be a full moon solstice or something? I like the title anyway, so it must be christmas.

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