Hi Mulford sibly,

I found it!
There is nor blood (sure?), nor aliens in your story, but it’s closer to the genre than a historic biopic! And you have yet three readers.

I agree with nicholasandrewhalls and Karel Segers for a lot of things. I think that there is wrong things in your logline but everithing can be fixed (Thanks to Fix-it-Felix!):

For now, what your logline tells us is that you have just a hero, an antagonist and a suggested conflict (we assume the large corporate sponsor don’t want the true to be known).

N.B. : the “large corporate” is a “clich?”. Not need to be large and corporate to do bad things and to be a sponsor. It could be someone like the fan-of-car-races barber round the corner (uh! I admit this one would not be very credible, although he have large razors).

– “self-centered” means “concerned only with herself”. Why does she cares of her dead grandfather?
Would you mean “introverted”? this is a persistant FLAW and it could be in relation with the loss of her grandfather (she witnessed and was traumatized?). If it is, it can explain her inner goal, then her QUEST.

– You should tell exactly what “infiltrate” means

– You must tell or suggest what’s at STAKES: what she needs / what she risks

>>”the hero figures out that several deaths are collateral damage, not random failures or accidents. She also sees that the villains are quite serious about death to snitches.”
– If you start your story at this point (and with what we know about it for now), We’ll think there is not only no Supense, but even no mystery in it.

We’ll be glad to read your revised logline.