Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
After recieving his late mother?s camera from his older brother, a depressed young farmer wants to raise enough to leave the farm by entering his photos into a contest, but when his older brother dies unexpectedly, his grandfather uses his ailing health and wealth to try to convince him into carrying the legacy forward.
Hi David, I had a quick shot at reviewing your logline during the webinar. But the main points: - it's long and wordy - it's not clear who is the taking the main action, the young farmer or his grandfather, who seems to be the more active character towards the end. - why is the camera a big deal? ItRead more
Hi David, I had a quick shot at reviewing your logline during the webinar. But the main points:
– it’s long and wordy
– it’s not clear who is the taking the main action, the young farmer or his grandfather, who seems to be the more active character towards the end.
– why is the camera a big deal? It reads like the inciting incident, but I don’t think it’s a very exciting event.
– he wants to leave the farm. Why? And why should we care enough to watch a whole movie about his attempts?
– the death of the brother reads like the mid point, but it doesn’t feel connected with the rest of the story.
To me it reads like very low concept. In other words, I don’t see why this is exciting movie material. Am I missing something big here?
See lessGreek muse comes to earth to help struggling artist and retired musician open a roller disco – Xanadu
I haven't seen the movie, so I can give you 100% objective feedback to the logline! First of all, it's not correct grammar. You must use articles: "A Greek muse ... a struggling artist". Also, there doesn't seem to be any high stakes, or any particular reason WHY the muse would make the effort. In oRead more
I haven’t seen the movie, so I can give you 100% objective feedback to the logline!
First of all, it’s not correct grammar. You must use articles: “A Greek muse … a struggling artist”.
Also, there doesn’t seem to be any high stakes, or any particular reason WHY the muse would make the effort. In other words, the “WHY NOW” (or inciting incident) is not answered.
Great stories have rich characters. What can you say about the muse? Is she neurotic? Why would she be an interesting character? And why can’t the artist and musician do the job themselves?
The logline is currently very short, so I’m sure you have space to elaborate on some of these questions. Then, why not repost in the review space below!
See lessWhen a teenage girl is relentlessly followed by an unknown supernatural figure after a sexual encounter, she must have sex with someone new to stop it from following, and ultimately killing her.
Instead of 'relentlessly followed' (which is correct), I would say 'is being followed'. This more clearly suggests the moment she realises. Perhaps?instead of "unknown supernatural figure", say something like "supernatural humanoid threat". I would also prefer "she must keep a distance to stay aliveRead more
Instead of ‘relentlessly followed’ (which is correct), I would say ‘is being followed’. This more clearly suggests the moment she realises.
Perhaps?instead of “unknown supernatural figure”, say something like “supernatural humanoid threat”.
I would also prefer “she must keep a distance to stay alive, or have sex with someone to transfer the deadly curse.” This indicates her dilemma.
This is a difficult one, because I believe she doesn’t want to transfer the curse.
So her main goal is to stay alive, and keep a distance from the Being. This is an open goal, which doesn’t always work.
I adore this movie.
See less