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As dimensional portals bring refugees from an another earth, a disillusioned border agent encounters his alternate-earth daughter and becomes torn between following orders, or protecting an alternate world from annihilation.
Your logline is missing a key element. What is the goal of the lead character? What does the lead character want? (And what or who is standing in the way) To break it down further. At first glance, it would seem that the dimensional portals are the event that initiates the story. However, the incitiRead more
Your logline is missing a key element. What is the goal of the lead character? What does the lead character want? (And what or who is standing in the way)
To break it down further. At first glance, it would seem that the dimensional portals are the event that initiates the story.
However, the inciting incident is actually the moment the lead meets his alternate-earth daughter. (This would be even more poignant if his own daughter had died several years before)
This discovery of his alternate daughter should cause your lead character to have a goal… In other words, what is he going to do about it?
See lessAfter an inexplicable resurrection following her ?end-of-life? party, a terminally ill matriarch returns to her grieving family with a primal hunger ? and begs them to kill her before the murderous urge takes control.
I find it odd that the murderous grandma is the lead character. You would think the lead character would be one of the family members who must stop her. As for the story, I think this is an interesting set-up. I could see this as a single location story. Where the family members are called to a mystRead more
I find it odd that the murderous grandma is the lead character. You would think the lead character would be one of the family members who must stop her.
As for the story, I think this is an interesting set-up. I could see this as a single location story. Where the family members are called to a mysterious mansion out in the middle of nowhere. They think their grandma is going to die but she turns into a werewolf or some other creature and kills them one by one until the lead character finally stops her.
However as dpg pointed out, there does seem to be some logic flaws to the premise. But if the story is good some of those logic flaws can be explained away or forgiven.
But the logline does need some work.
Possible title: To Grandma’s House We Go
See lessIs this a valid log line? Or is it too vague and too long?
1: Who is the lead character? 2: What event sets the lead character in motion? 3: What is the goal of the lead character? 4: What is standing in his or her way? There are some elements missing from your logline. Your lead character seems to be "Investigators", Not, a nosey paranormal investigator, nRead more
1: Who is the lead character?
2: What event sets the lead character in motion?
3: What is the goal of the lead character?
4: What is standing in his or her way?
There are some elements missing from your logline. Your lead character seems to be “Investigators”, Not, a nosey paranormal investigator, not an atheist news reporter… Investigator? For an insurance company? For a gossip magazine? A police investigator? An FBI agent? A hard-boiled detective? Give us something the reader can picture in their head.
Also, what does ‘a place feared’ mean? A graveyard? A spiders den? An eerie cave? A Miley Cyrus concert? I have no idea what ‘a place feared’ looks like on screen. Again give the reader a mental picture.
You also haven’t told us what specific event set’s the lead character into motion? Instead, you talk about ‘past malicious activity’, but how does that relate to being possessed by a stillborn baby?
Finally, you give us no hints on how a stillborn baby can possess anyone? You might want to give us a word or two, to at least hint at how a stillborn baby could possess anyone.
In the end, the logline should answer the 4 questions up above and leave the reader wanting more, It should not lead to confusion and more questions.
Good luck with your story, it sounds interesting. Everything I have mentioned relates to the logline, and has nothing to do with whether the story itself is good or bad.
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