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When an aspiring writer blogs anonymously about her dates, one of them finds out who she is and continues dating her in order to improve his dating style to ask out someone else.
The logline, as written, is vague on who the lead character is. It begins as if the blogger is the lead character then halfway it switches perspectives to the guy she is dating. I would re-write it something like this: ---------------------------- "When he discovers he's dating a famous relationshipRead more
The logline, as written, is vague on who the lead character is. It begins as if the blogger is the lead character then halfway it switches perspectives to the guy she is dating.
See lessI would re-write it something like this:
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“When he discovers he’s dating a famous relationship blogger, a habitual ‘Mr. wrong’, realizes this is the perfect chance to get pointers on his dating style but his plans go awry when he begins falling in love.”
The naive daughter of the police chief gets a taste of criminal life after using her father?s car to sneak out and setting out to steal it back from car thieves before he or any other cop finds out.
If the logline is worded right, then we will know she gets a taste of criminal life from reading it and won't have to be told. --------------------------------------------- "When her father's vintage ?Crown Victoria is stolen, a desperate daughter of the police chief must steal it back from a localRead more
If the logline is worded right, then we will know she gets a taste of criminal life from reading it and won’t have to be told.
———————————————
“When her father’s vintage ?Crown Victoria is stolen, a desperate daughter of the police chief must steal it back from a local biker gang safe and in pristine condition before her dad finds out she took it without permission.”
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I think the lead needs a different goal… The goal would be the reason she took the car in the first place and the reason she must get the vehicle back without her father finding out is because she will be grounded for life and (Miss the big dance) or something like that.
She wants something, (Something the audience can relate to)
her father said no.
She takes the car,
now as a result of her disobeying her father,
the car is stolen
and she is in big trouble if the theft is discovered by her dad.
Thus begins the longest night of her life filled with an assortment of odd (Bubble boy type) characters and strange situations.
Just some thoughts
See lessWhen an emo-themed magazine is accused of causing a rash of suicides among young girls, a new editor is hired to change its editorial direction. Before starting, the new editor decides to dig deeper into the past editor?s affairs and discovers that an inmate, who believes she was wrongly accused of murder by the neighbor?s babysitter, was controlling the magazine from prison.
You seemed to have placed the inciting incident at the end of your logline. When she discovers her magazine is secretly controlled by notorious inmate, a newly hired editor must... (Do this) if she is to (Stop this)
You seemed to have placed the inciting incident at the end of your logline.
When she discovers her magazine is secretly controlled by notorious inmate, a newly hired editor must… (Do this) if she is to (Stop this)
See less