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After his friends are arrested for robbing the convenience store he works at as an inside job, he must rob his own workplace in order to bail them out before they rat on him.
I'm not sure if the robbers should be his friends. "When a group of Bullies are arrested for attempting to rob his convenience store, a meek clerk has 24 hours to come up with their bail money or they'll rat him out for his part in the robbery."
I’m not sure if the robbers should be his friends.
“When a group of Bullies are arrested for attempting to rob his convenience store, a meek clerk has 24 hours to come up with their bail money or they’ll rat him out for his part in the robbery.”
See lessAn angel living as a human being is brutalized by the police and now humanity must fight for its survival.
"...Humanity must fight for it's survival" ----- You should have one specific character who must complete one specific trial, in order to save humanity. Having the lead character be, 'humanity' which after the inciting incident, 'must fight for survival' does not draw in the reader. There is a quoteRead more
“…Humanity must fight for it’s survival”
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You should have one specific character who must complete one specific trial, in order to save humanity.
Having the lead character be, ‘humanity’ which after the inciting incident, ‘must fight for survival’ does not draw in the reader.
There is a quote, “Kill one person, it’s a tragedy, kill a million and it’s a statistic.” (Generally attributed to Joseph Stalin) For that reason;
Focus your story on one human and one goal to save humanity instead of the entire human race and your logline will draw in the reader.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessHaunted by the tragic loss of his estranged father, a young Samoan-American must choose between his corporate job or follow in his late father?s footsteps as the last in a long line of fire-knife dancers.
1: I don't believe you need the words?tragic or estranged, they actually take away from the logline."Haunted by the loss of his father..."2: Take out the word young?and give us a better adjectiveHaunted by the loss of his father, an upwardly mobile Samoan-American....3: Finally, I don't believe youRead more
1: I don’t believe you need the words?tragic or estranged, they actually take away from the logline.
“Haunted by the loss of his father…”
2: Take out the word young?and give us a better adjective
Haunted by the loss of his father, an upwardly mobile Samoan-American….
3: Finally, I don’t believe you should tell us he must choose but let us figure it out by setting up the conflict within the logline.
(However this means giving us a ‘bad guy’ or a ticking clock.)
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See less“Haunted by the loss of his father, an upwardly mobile Samoan-American defies his boss on the eve of a corporate merger and returns to his homeland where he becomes fascinated with his family heritage of fire dancing”