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Kicked out by her mom, a rebellious daughter is forced to join her broke and dysfunctional dad as he takes a last chance assignment to follow a corrupt politician in a cross country bike race.
I agree with DPG, however this attempt is better than the first one. Going in the right direction.
I agree with DPG, however this attempt is better than the first one. Going in the right direction.
See lessA dysfunctional dad and his rebellious daughter are forced to join each other in a bike race where they battle the establishment and each other relentlessly.
I have to agree with Nicholas. Since riding in a bike race and fighting the establishment seem an odd pairing, give us some context. Also, what establishment. The bike riding establishment? The establishment he works for? The government? Is fighting the establishment the fathers goal or is it connecRead more
I have to agree with Nicholas. Since riding in a bike race and fighting the establishment seem an odd pairing, give us some context.
Also, what establishment. The bike riding establishment? The establishment he works for? The government?
Is fighting the establishment the fathers goal or is it connecting with his daughter?
Finally, I agree, you should tell what event forced father and daughter to ride in the bike race: Give us the inciting incident.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessHoping to win her affection, an emotionally stunted middle-manager plans a 21st birthday party for the sister of his recently deceased best friend.
I know this is a little off track but this premise could be turned into a comedy if her brother returned as a ghost and didn't like the lead hitting on his sister. Potential title: Dude! that's my sister! ----- As for your loglne I think it has all the elements. if you could up the stakes a bit, addRead more
I know this is a little off track but this premise could be turned into a comedy if her brother returned as a ghost and didn’t like the lead hitting on his sister.
Potential title: Dude! that’s my sister!
—–
As for your loglne I think it has all the elements. if you could up the stakes a bit, add a rival for her affection it might help.
But we see the protagonists problem. He’s hitting on the sister way to soon after his friends death. He wants her but doesn’t want to be seen as a creep; internal conflict rather than an overtly external one.
I am curious what others think.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
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