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When a twenties something Jersey Shore type who lives solely for “the life” comes down with a bout of severe depression, he begins to see his world in a different light.
If you tell us the main character's a "Jersey Shore type," then living for his looks and his partying lifestyle is implied and can be cut. "When a twenty-something, Jersey Shore type is diagnosed with severe depression, he begins to see his world in a different light." ****(Against the increasing crRead more
If you tell us the main character’s a “Jersey Shore type,” then living for his looks and his partying lifestyle is implied and can be cut.
“When a twenty-something, Jersey Shore type is diagnosed with severe depression, he begins to see his world in a different light.” ****(Against the increasing criticism of his friends)****
That isn’t to say there aren’t more changes that could be made, just that the one change can reduce your word count and allow you too ad a little more to it.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessAfter learning of an imposter alike, a student obtains information and reverses course to track down the whereabouts of the imitator, staggering across an unforeseen discovery.
The words you are using are jumbled in an odd way making your logline difficult to read: "After learning of an impostor alike": Your first line's confusing. I'd go with- -"After having his identity stolen by a lookalike" ----- "...the student obtains information and reverses course to track down theRead more
The words you are using are jumbled in an odd way making your logline difficult to read:
“After learning of an impostor alike”: Your first line’s confusing. I’d go with-
-“After having his identity stolen by a lookalike”
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“…the student obtains information and reverses course to track down the whereabouts of the imitator”:
There are unnecessary words in this line. If you are tracking someone you are gathering information to find their whereabouts. You don’t need to say those things
“an (Adjective) student tracks the imitator” or “an (Adjective) student begins tracking the imitator”
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“staggering across an unforeseen discovery.” This also confusing. If it’s unforeseen I’d leave it out of the logline… Cut this line.
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Finally what’s missing is what’s standing in the students way.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessAn ailing country town convinces Kevin Costner to sing at the close of their rodeo. When an accident happens, Kevin thinks he is the 'Bodyguard'. Policeman WIlliam William an Indigenous man, worn down, angry and hungry for a transfer has to 'watch him' and find a cure before the end of the day. (PS would use a lookalike Kevin Costner)
I agree, I would use the welcome home Roxy Carmichael approach and create a movie star. Second, there's a logic problem. why would they give Costner over to a police officer to a cure instead of a doctor? As for the loglne, you should start with the main character instead of the town. ----- "ThingsRead more
I agree, I would use the welcome home Roxy Carmichael approach and create a movie star.
Second, there’s a logic problem. why would they give Costner over to a police officer to a cure instead of a doctor?
As for the loglne, you should start with the main character instead of the town.
See less—–
“Things go awry for a worn down country policeman when the minor celebrity he’s saddled with bumps his head and believes he’s Kevin Costner”
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Hope that helped, good luck with this!