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Determined and short of money, a young boy aims to swim and fly to his dream paradise on the wildest island of Tasmania.
The first one was too much, this one isn't quite enough. What's missing is why he needs to do this. What event causes him to make the journey. Hope that helped, good luck with this!
The first one was too much, this one isn’t quite enough.
What’s missing is why he needs to do this. What event causes him to make the journey.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessWhen a heartless Government agent is forced to battle his fathers death, he vowes to help the people he was once hired to hate, but when his 100th patient is a serial killer it's time to crunch the numbers.
Clarity is good for a logline lines such as, "...forced to battle his fathers death." is confusing. It's hard for the reader to tell what you mean. Is his father dead and he must battle his fathers ghost? Is his father alive and he must battle to save his father from dying? Is he and his father forcRead more
Clarity is good for a logline
lines such as, “…forced to battle his fathers death.” is confusing. It’s hard for the reader to tell what you mean.
Is his father dead and he must battle his fathers ghost?
Is his father alive and he must battle to save his father from dying?
Is he and his father forced to battle ‘to’ the death in an underground fight club?
Is his father the incarnation of death with black hood and sickle and he must fight him?
If you were to clarify that line it would help bring clarity to the story you are trying to tell.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessDetermined to experience the wildest paradise on the island of Tasmania, one will do anything to find a way.
This logline starts off well. "Determined to experience the wildest paradise on the island of Tasmania, " Then it falls apart, "one will do anything to find a way" 'One' what? If it's a person you should tell us who. "A mild Banker" "A determined thrill seeker" "A former Navy Seal" What 'way'? Not sRead more
This logline starts off well. “Determined to experience the wildest paradise on the island of Tasmania, ”
Then it falls apart, “one will do anything to find a way”
‘One’ what? If it’s a person you should tell us who. “A mild Banker” “A determined thrill seeker” “A former Navy Seal”
What ‘way’? Not sure what you mean when you say ‘find a way.’
Who or what is keeping the protagonist from their goal. Is it nature? is it money?
How will the protagonist attempt to overcome what’s standing in the way. Will he/she, Rob a bank? Convince a reluctant native guide to show them a secret path? Steal his step fathers plane?
I like the idea, now if you would tell us who the lead is, what’s standing in their way and how they will attempt to over come the obstacle, you will have a much better logline on your hands.
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