1. Posted: January 10, 2013In:

    A teenager girl, forced on a family trip to visit her eccentric Grandmother, becomes an unwitting time traveler after discovering a magical chaise lounge in the attic- trapped in the past, she must seek help from an unlikely source- her 14 year-old Grandmother from 1956.

    Richiev Singularity

    I think the revision is just a little better, but I might say, an (Adjective) teenage girl and her brother. (The Adjective would be a unique quality that describes the girl) How about this as a try: "After becoming trapped in 1956, a rebellious teenage girl and her brother must seek the help of theiRead more

    I think the revision is just a little better, but I might say, an (Adjective) teenage girl and her brother. (The Adjective would be a unique quality that describes the girl)

    How about this as a try:

    “After becoming trapped in 1956, a rebellious teenage girl and her brother must seek the help of their 14 year-old grandmother before they are lost in time forever”

    You would still want to add a details to this logline but I hope you see where I am going with it.

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  2. Posted: January 10, 2013In:

    On the verge of being alone for the rest of his life, a lazy man falls in love with a miniature woman who lives in the small model city that he finds in the spare bedroom of his new apartment, but when he can't figure out a way to shrink himself to her size he must push himself to his limits to find a way in, before he loses the girl of his dreams.

    Richiev Singularity

    First, love the premise Second, all the elements are there (Assuming that his laziness is what is standing in his way) Third, this is way too long I would probably start with, "When a lonely man falls in love with a miniature woman who he discovers living in a model city in his spare room, He must pRead more

    First, love the premise

    Second, all the elements are there (Assuming that his laziness is what is standing in his way)

    Third, this is way too long

    I would probably start with,

    “When a lonely man falls in love with a miniature woman who he discovers living in a model city in his spare room, He must push past his own procrastination if he is to discover a way for them to be together”

    However even that is rough because there should really be something more standing in their way or a deadline of some sort.

    I hope this gives you ideas, for the most part you just have to find a way to condense the logline without taking out what makes the story unique.

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  3. Posted: January 9, 2013In:

    The DEA recruits a group of straght-A model students to help infiltrate a thriving, Pot-dealing business in their high school, not knowing that one of them is the head of the operation, and is using the insider information he has obtained to dodge the police's every move.

    Richiev Singularity

    Since the DEA agent is one of the main characters I wouldn't start with "The DEA recruits..." Instead I would start with, "An (adjective) DEA agent recruits." You should mention him in your logline and give him an adjective to describe him. Is he gruff? hardworking? corrupt? Loyal? Aggressive?

    Since the DEA agent is one of the main characters I wouldn’t start with “The DEA recruits…” Instead I would start with, “An (adjective) DEA agent recruits.”

    You should mention him in your logline and give him an adjective to describe him. Is he gruff? hardworking? corrupt? Loyal? Aggressive?

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