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A brilliant, genetically engineered con-artist has three days to find the scientist who programmed her to die on her twenty first birthday.
That is a good logline Fejumas, if con artist is important to the plot it could be replaced with Android. With only three days before her 21st birthday, a genetically engineered con-artist must hunt down her maker before she is terminated.
That is a good logline Fejumas, if con artist is important to the plot it could be replaced with Android.
With only three days before her 21st birthday, a genetically engineered con-artist must hunt down her maker before she is terminated.
See lessAs the ghost of a young man lingers in his apartment, he gradually transforms into a vengeful, evil spirit as he gets more and more jealous of his roommates' lives and becomes convinced that they are starting to forget him
Is the Ghost the main character of the story?
Is the Ghost the main character of the story?
See lessA doctor battles his fear of needles to rescue his daughter from a former physician, the source of his phobia, bound to his daughter by blood.
I decided to go back and review your previous logline attempts: ===== "When a school is held captive by the man responsible for the death of his sister, a doctor has visions of a lost childhood revealing the secret between his sister and the man that now threatens his daughter's life." ----- "With aRead more
I decided to go back and review your previous logline attempts:
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“When a school is held captive by the man responsible for the death of his sister, a doctor has visions of a lost childhood revealing the secret between his sister and the man that now threatens his daughter’s life.”
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“With an entire school held captive, a doctor must relive a traumatic childhood that may solve the mystery behind the sadistic madman that threatens his daughter’s life.”
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“A doctor is forced to relive his traumatic childhood in order to solve the mystery that may save his daughter’s life.”
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The problem is you are presenting some abstract ideas that don’t really give us any clue to what’s going on.
I would start with the best part of your loglines: “When his daughters school is held captive by the man responsible for his sisters death…” (This is very solid)
The problem is, “Saving his daughter by reliving a traumatic childhood” or “saving his daughter by battling his fear of needles,” is way too abstract, it doesn’t tell us how does that action saves his daughter.
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“When his daughters school is held captive by the man responsible for his sisters death, In order to save her, a father must give clues to the police negotiator about madman’s mindset by undergoing hypno-therapy, reliving a traumatic experience”
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This would explain how reliving a traumatic experience would help save his daughter.
However, my logline attempt is still too long and rough but hopefully you see where I am going with it. I hope this helps.
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