1. Posted: October 19, 2012In:

    When Mouse, the smartest girl in school, and social outcast falls for the head cheerleader, Kat Sanders; She will have to pull every trick in the book to win her, the only trouble, Kat doesn't even know mouse exists… and likes boys.

    Richiev Singularity

    Thanks for the punctuation tips. My goal's to take the, nerd falls for head cheerleader story and give it a nice little twist.

    Thanks for the punctuation tips. My goal’s to take the, nerd falls for head cheerleader story and give it a nice little twist.

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  2. Posted: October 19, 2012In:

    When Mouse, the smartest girl in school, and social outcast falls for the head cheerleader, Kat Sanders; She will have to pull every trick in the book to win her, the only trouble, Kat doesn't even know mouse exists… and likes boys.

    Richiev Singularity

    Thanks, great suggestions

    Thanks, great suggestions

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  3. Posted: October 14, 2012In:

    When a policeman\'s family is kidnapped by a sadistic crime lord he must kill the chief of police, his father in law, to save them.

    Richiev Singularity

    I like this logline. Sometimes it helps if you end on a strong word. (I will add in Phil's, honest cop, suggestion) ----- "When an honest cop's family is kidnapped by a sadistic crime lord, he's ordered to murder the chief of police; his father in law, or they will be killed." ----- This way the logRead more

    I like this logline.

    Sometimes it helps if you end on a strong word. (I will add in Phil’s, honest cop, suggestion)
    —–
    “When an honest cop’s family is kidnapped by a sadistic crime lord, he’s ordered to murder the chief of police; his father in law, or they will be killed.”
    —–
    This way the logline ends on the word ‘Killed’ instead of ‘them’.

    But ultimately this logline is strong, I would suggest only minor changes.

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