1. Posted: February 19, 2023In:

    When Cara, a reclusive writer, befriends a woman who believes she’s the fictional character Jane Eyre, she finds a new sense of purpose in helping Jane navigate the complexities of modern life. When the writer’s estranged brother turns up with questions about their past, Cara must finally untangle her own truth from fiction.

    Richiev Singularity

    I like how you ended the logline using the words, truth, and fiction. Here is an attempt to shorten your logline a bit. Hope I didn't drop too many story elements in doing so. ----- "When she befriends a woman claiming to be Charlotte Bronte's fictional Jane Eyre, a reclusive writer must help Jane nRead more

    I like how you ended the logline using the words, truth, and fiction.

    Here is an attempt to shorten your logline a bit. Hope I didn’t drop too many story elements in doing so.
    —–
    “When she befriends a woman claiming to be Charlotte Bronte’s fictional Jane Eyre, a reclusive writer must help Jane navigate the modern world all while trying to untangle the truth of Jane’s existence from the fiction.”
    —–
    Hope that helped

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  2. Posted: February 20, 2023In:

    Cultures collide when a flat-footed reservist deployed as a guard befriends a rebellious enemy and must protect them from a sleepy small-town intent on financial gain from an influx of Japanese prisoners of war.

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity

    It is difficult to tell whether your use of the word, 'them' is used as a plural, or if it is a gender identifier. In other words, is there a single Japanese prisoner of war that the lead befriends? Or is he befriending the entire community within the internment camp? If it is the latter and he befrRead more

    It is difficult to tell whether your use of the word, ‘them’ is used as a plural, or if it is a gender identifier.

    In other words, is there a single Japanese prisoner of war that the lead befriends? Or is he befriending the entire community within the internment camp?

    If it is the latter and he befriends the entire Japanese community, you should still have a single prisoner with whom the lead has a deeper connection, then as the third act ramps up, you should put that person in danger.

    Anyway, I believe this is a solid premise. Very interesting.

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  3. Posted: January 3, 2023In:

    When retires to his summer cabin in the woods, a widowed old hunter must overcome his grief for his wife; but when he finds the trace of an unknown beast, he will venture into the forest to demonstrate himself he is still capable.

    Richiev Singularity

    The word 'when' in a logline usually indicates an inciting incident... the event that sets the story in motion. And while you would never give away an ending in the logline, what sets a story in motion is the event that will be concluded in the final act of the story. For instance, it isn't John WicRead more

    The word ‘when’ in a logline usually indicates an inciting incident… the event that sets the story in motion. And while you would never give away an ending in the logline, what sets a story in motion is the event that will be concluded in the final act of the story.

    For instance, it isn’t John Wicks’s wife dying that sets the story in motion… It is his dog being killed. His wife dying is a tragic event, but it is when the bad guys kill his dog that he goes on his mission of revenge which will be concluded in the final act.

    I have read 3 of your loglines and in all three you have 2 ‘when’ events, but stories only have one inciting incident so there should only be one ‘when’ in your logline.

    In this logline, since this is a story about killing an unknown beast, the inciting incident should be when he discovers the beast.
    —
    “When he discovers that an unknown beast is killing local residents, a grief-stricken old hunter must dust off his rifle and pursue the thing before it can kill again.”
    —
    Now in the script the death of his wife and the lead overcoming his grief will be an important part of the story, it is the lead character’s internal journey. But for the logline, you should stick with the main story and hint at the internal struggle that the lead character will go through.

    Anyway, the story sounds interesting,
    Hope this helped.

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