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When a starry-eyed wallflower lands the coveted role in a theatre production of the Heroines of Greek Tragedy, she must step out of the chorus line and out of her shell and into the spotlight.
First of all, this logline attempt is a step in the right direction. The story is by far more clear.To add to what dpg said, how about something like this: (btw, yours will probably be different, I am just giving an example)"When the lead actress breaks her leg, a starry-eyed wallflower must come ofRead more
First of all, this logline attempt is a step in the right direction. The story is by far more clear.
To add to what dpg said, how about something like this: (btw, yours will probably be different, I am just giving an example)
“When the lead actress breaks her leg, a starry-eyed wallflower must come off the wall, get over her stage fright and perform the leading role of the seductress, Cleopatra.”
See lessA group of seven people–A punk, a weirdo, an awkward geek, a badass, a sick boy, a psychologist and a poet– is invited to interact with some charismatic Artificial Intelligences in an isolated building when they soon find themselves trying to figure which of the guests are actually human and who’s been tested too.
What are the stakes?(Okay let me put it another way, if everyone who is invited to the house is told, one of them is a robot and the person who figures it out will win a million dollars, then we know what the stakes are. We would also know what the lead character's goal would be. But if you simply hRead more
What are the stakes?
(Okay let me put it another way, if everyone who is invited to the house is told, one of them is a robot and the person who figures it out will win a million dollars, then we know what the stakes are. We would also know what the lead character’s goal would be. But if you simply have a bunch of people in a house and one of them is an AI then all you have is a situation)
See lessJacob Foster is a lone traveler, he escaped home when he was 18 and hasn’t stopped moving since, however when he receives a message that his mother has fallen fatally ill, he must decide whether he can confront the haunting memories of his childhood.
Here are two slightly different attempts. -------------------------------------------------- "When he receives a message that his mother is fatally ill, a loner with an abusive childhood reluctantly returns home to take care of his mother while congfronting the ghosts from his past." "When he receivRead more
Here are two slightly different attempts.
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“When he receives a message that his mother is fatally ill, a loner with an abusive childhood reluctantly returns home to take care of his mother while congfronting the ghosts from his past.”
“When he receives a message that his mother is fatally ill, a loner with an abusive childhood reluctantly returns home to take care of his mother while also having to deal with his drunk and abusive father”
See less