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After being sent to the future during a battle, the two warriors fight to finish what they started.
I agree with the others, your story has no anchor.1: We don't know the timeframe the warriors are fighting at the beginning of the story and so we don't know what the future is to them.2: We don't know what the warriors are fighting for, so there are no stakes.3: Because you said, two warriors, instRead more
I agree with the others, your story has no anchor.
1: We don’t know the timeframe the warriors are fighting at the beginning of the story and so we don’t know what the future is to them.
2: We don’t know what the warriors are fighting for, so there are no stakes.
3: Because you said, two warriors, instead of making one the lead character and the other the antagonist. We don’t know who the lead character is.
However
The good news is: This is an easy fix.
For instance, if this takes place during the crusades and one character is a Christian Templar and another being a Muslim Warrior. Now we know the who and the when.
If you tell us they are fighting over a sacred relic, tell us what that relic is. Now we know why they are fighting.
Now they are in the future, which is our timeline, the relic is in the Vatican, The Muslim warrior wants to steal it, and the Templar vows to stop him. Now we know what they are fighting for.
Your idea is different of course but the principle will be the same.
1: Tell us specifically who they are, because simply saying two warriors is vague
2: Tell us specifically what they are fighting for. A county? And object? A religion?
3: Tell us the stakes, what bad thing will happen if the bad guy wins.
4: Tell us what future they arrive in. Modern times, The near future? 2050? The year 3,000?
So an easy fix, good luck with this.
After an experiment-gone-wrong leaves a scientist broken and hurt, the scientist looks for a new place and a new life where he can belong.
The first part of the logline and the last part of the logline do not really connect. If the goal for the lead character is to find a place where he can belong. Then the beginning of the logline should be about how he ended up lonely. Here would be an example of how the beginning of a logline wouldRead more
The first part of the logline and the last part of the logline do not really connect.
If the goal for the lead character is to find a place where he can belong. Then the beginning of the logline should be about how he ended up lonely.
Here would be an example of how the beginning of a logline would match the end of the logline
See lessYours would be different of course:
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“After his girlfriend dumps and all their friend’s side with her, a lonely scientist looks for a new town where he can start a new life and find love again.”
A young boy with autism goes to Sicily on vacation and falls in love with a girl.
The End
The End
See less