1. Posted: August 23, 2017In:

    When an eccentric family moves into a defunct church building, the enigmatic grandfather starts to preach on Sundays, inspiring but stirring up trouble with the locals.

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity

    Since the grandfather is the only character mentioned I am going to assume he is the lead... If that is the case one important element which is missing is the leads goal. What does your lead want? Adding that element to the logline will improve it greatly (If the Grandfather is not the lead characteRead more

    Since the grandfather is the only character mentioned I am going to assume he is the lead… If that is the case one important element which is missing is the leads goal.

    What does your lead want?
    Adding that element to the logline will improve it greatly

    (If the Grandfather is not the lead character, you should just do another logline from the perspective of whoever is the lead)

    Good luck

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  2. Posted: August 23, 2017In:

    When an aspiring writer blogs anonymously about her dates, one of them finds out who she is and continues dating her in order to improve his dating style to ask out someone else.

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity

    The logline, as written, is vague on who the lead character is. It begins as if the blogger is the lead character then halfway it switches perspectives to the guy she is dating. I would re-write it something like this: ---------------------------- "When he discovers he's dating a famous relationshipRead more

    The logline, as written, is vague on who the lead character is. It begins as if the blogger is the lead character then halfway it switches perspectives to the guy she is dating.
    I would re-write it something like this:
    —————————-
    “When he discovers he’s dating a famous relationship blogger, a habitual ‘Mr. wrong’, realizes this is the perfect chance to get pointers on his dating style but his plans go awry when he begins falling in love.”

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  3. Posted: August 23, 2017In:

    The naive daughter of the police chief gets a taste of criminal life after using her father?s car to sneak out and setting out to steal it back from car thieves before he or any other cop finds out.

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity

    If the logline is worded right, then we will know she gets a taste of criminal life from reading it and won't have to be told. --------------------------------------------- "When her father's vintage ?Crown Victoria is stolen, a desperate daughter of the police chief must steal it back from a localRead more

    If the logline is worded right, then we will know she gets a taste of criminal life from reading it and won’t have to be told.
    ———————————————
    “When her father’s vintage ?Crown Victoria is stolen, a desperate daughter of the police chief must steal it back from a local biker gang safe and in pristine condition before her dad finds out she took it without permission.”
    ——————————————–

    I think the lead needs a different goal… The goal would be the reason she took the car in the first place and the reason she must get the vehicle back without her father finding out is because she will be grounded for life and (Miss the big dance) or something like that.

    She wants something, (Something the audience can relate to)
    her father said no.
    She takes the car,
    now as a result of her disobeying her father,
    the car is stolen
    and she is in big trouble if the theft is discovered by her dad.
    Thus begins the longest night of her life filled with an assortment of odd (Bubble boy type) characters and strange situations.

    Just some thoughts

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