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Following an unsettling incident on a night out, a young woman’s adverse reaction awakens an uncontrollable craving for human flesh.
I agree with tschrack, "Following an unsettling incident..." Not only is this vague, but it's also not compelling. Since this is what sets the story in motion be specific. If the big event happens in the first ten minutes of the story, it should be in the logline. If the big event happens in the lasRead more
I agree with tschrack,
“Following an unsettling incident…” Not only is this vague, but it’s also not compelling.
Since this is what sets the story in motion be specific.
If the big event happens in the first ten minutes of the story, it should be in the logline.
See lessIf the big event happens in the last ten minutes of the story, it should be left out.
When a star studded, self-centered young talented musician lusting for the lifestyle of a rockstar, scores him and his band of brothers a chance to be signed and mentored by one of the music industry’s big time acts, he must wrestle with the rewards and pitfalls of stardom, love, and loyalty in the music industry in order to maintain his integrity as an artist and become a better man to those around him.
You change the lead character's goal midstream and it makes the logline too long. Goal 1: Fame Goal 2: Integrity If integrity is the main goal that the lead character must achieve, you should set up that the lead has musical integrity at the beginning, perhaps integrity to a fault.
You change the lead character’s goal midstream and it makes the logline too long.
Goal 1: Fame
Goal 2: Integrity
If integrity is the main goal that the lead character must achieve, you should set up that the lead has musical integrity at the beginning, perhaps integrity to a fault.
See lessAfter Alexander The Great’s death, one of his generals seizes Egypt, fights to restore it into a mighty empire, and eventually becomes Pharoah, founding a dynasty of kings, queens, and gods.
Because this is Historical, it's okay to use Ptolemy's name. What is the main conflict of the story? And who is the face of that conflict? In other words, you say Ptolemy wants to restore Egypt to its former glory... Who is standing in the way of that goal? Who (Or perhaps what) will the lead have tRead more
Because this is Historical, it’s okay to use Ptolemy’s name.
What is the main conflict of the story? And who is the face of that conflict?
In other words, you say Ptolemy wants to restore Egypt to its former glory… Who is standing in the way of that goal? Who (Or perhaps what) will the lead have to overcome so we the reader know what success looks like?
See less