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A charismatic young white supremacist goes to prison, where hard experience teaches him the error of his ways. When released, he resolves to leave his former life behind — but finds to his horror that it may be too late to save his kid brother from repeating his mistakes.
I like dpg's re-write, I do believe the story begins with the release from prison.
I like dpg’s re-write, I do believe the story begins with the release from prison.
See lessThirty five year old toy designer John who hates kids gets a chance to design toys for one of the best toy manufacturing company under the super vision of four year old Sara.
btw, what is the lead characters goal? At the moment this is a situation, the story would be what the lead character must do about it.
btw, what is the lead characters goal? At the moment this is a situation, the story would be what the lead character must do about it.
See lessThirty five year old toy designer John who hates kids gets a chance to design toys for one of the best toy manufacturing company under the super vision of four year old Sara.
We don't need to know the leads age.You don't need to name the character unless they are famous.I would also try to remove some of the clutterHere would be an example: ----- "When the worlds best toy company hires him to be their lead designer, a genius toy maker who loves creating but hates kids fiRead more
We don’t need to know the leads age.
You don’t need to name the character unless they are famous.
I would also try to remove some of the clutter
Here would be an example:
See less—–
“When the worlds best toy company hires him to be their lead designer, a genius toy maker who loves creating but hates kids finds himself working directly under the supervision of the owners 4 year old daughter.”
—–
Hope that helped.